Chapter 155: Touch Grass? Nah, Touch Pubes
I told Johnson that the brown hairs he pulled from the third tap weren’t normal.
They were pubes.
At that, I expected him to gross out like a feminist when her boyfriend asks her to split the bill but this therapist said:
"Oh. So they were just pubic hairs. I thought they were some kind of dandruff filled hair. Thanks, I got over the worry about the hairs at least."
This guy was glad it was pubes!
I had forgotten the world in which I was in.
Here Aliens are horny. Ghosts are horny. Mothers kill their children by over feeding milk to them. Fathers run after their kids to make them drink their milk.
And there are no normal girls here and forget normal, the only normal girl I met was Erect’s sister and that girl called me her brother so I couldn’t do anything with her too. Well, I can but she is only fourteen years old and I have no intentions of making myself popular for the wrong reasons.
Anyway, I made myself clear. As clear as a woman who wore a see through dress and called all men creepy because they stared at her peaks.
Of course this guy was glad he pulled pubes. It wasn’t less than a lottery for him.
And let’s not forget, I talked about pubes in the presence of the worst guy possible.
"Pal," Jack spoke, serious as ever. "Forget everything and let’s go straight to that bathroom."
"Why!?"
"Because I want to see the pubes too!"
"What do you want to see some pubes? What will you even do with them?!"
"I don’t know. If I could, I would like to touch them. Store them. And I want to see if there are other unicorn heads in the other taps. I want to use the system the guards made to relieve themselves."
"Fuck you! I don’t care about it. And you are a ghost, motherfukcer! You won’t be able to do a damn thing."
"But I want t—"
"Shut up. Right now my priority is different. And you know it. So let me focus on that. Stay shut for a few more minutes."
"Anghh. Come on, pal. You can’t be serious. Such opportunities never come. Do you not want to get some unicorn fun yourself? Do you not want to feel what it’s like when someone does it for you? When you don’t have to use your own hand? Think about it. Think how amazing the warmth inside the mouth of an unic—"
"Shut up, dude. Don’t join me in your fetishes. I have no intention of knowing the warmth at all. I am a pervert but I am an introverted pervert. I steal panties and for justice, I leave my underwear in exchange. I am a sophisticated molester."
[ What the hell is a sophisticated molester? There are no classifications for that. A molester is a molester. And thank the supreme man, he gave me the voice and manners of a man, if I was a female, you would have fucked your own mind just to get some fun with me. ]
’Don’t chime in now, system. No matter what kind of man I am, I never forced myself on a girl.’
[ Yeah. You probably didn’t do that because pepper sprays had been invented at that time. ]
Exactly. Wait... what? How did you know?
[ I was right?? I just imagined what could stop a super perverted man from assaulting a girl and fucking hell, I was right! I am stuck with an innocent man who is only innocent because he was too scared to carry out the crimes he had in his mind! Help me! ]
Tch.
Overreacting bitch.
I shook my head like a teacher of students who only have gay fathers and looked at Jack.
"Don’t mind the system, Jack. But stay silent for a second. I want to know some things with Johnson first."
"So you do want to know more about the unicorns. I understand."
"Enough about the unicorns! I don’t want them at all. I would rather violate a goat if my option is a unicorn."
Jack raised one of his brows. "Pounding a goat is okay for you? That is normal for you, pal?"
"Don’t stress on my words. I was just giving a hypothetical example. And enough about the animals. This is not the beast taming genre."
"Sure."
Jack finally went silent and I looked at Johnson again.
The chief guard still shivered from time to time like he put his phone on vibration mode and stuck it in his butt, but the shiverings were lower than before. The pubic hairs made him relax for some reason.
"Johnson, so if you didn’t get the water in the bathroom then where did you get it? And how are you like this? A patch of your hair is missing. Your belt is open. Your uniform is torn. One of your shoes is missing. What kind of water did you fetch to become like this?"
Johnson stared at me.
Dude, that’s enough staring. Just to show someone is serious doesn’t mean they stare.
The chief guard then gulped like a chicken walking past a kfc stall and shuddered once more.
"After encountering spiders, a unicorn head and pubes in the bathroom for the guards, I calmed myself down and went to the bathroom made in the detention room. The room where the most heinous criminals were supposed to be kept in solitude. It is a small room, it has been empty for many years but it has a bathroom. I went there. I had a feeling it was a bad idea but the desire to have my hands all over you overpowered my fear and I went to that bathroom."
Now I gulped.
Not because of the hype he built for the bathroom but because of his desperation to have me. If even one percent of his desire was shown to me by a girl, I would have stripped myself willingly.
But at Johnson’s words someone else gulped too and I had no intentions to indulge myself with that person.
But that person spoke anyway.
"What kind of injustice is this, supreme Man?!" Jack shouted in the air like a man asking the sun to lower its brightness. And Jack also had tears in his eyes? Why?
He shot a glare at me like he just saw an exorcist.
"While someone is drowning in mineral water, I am thirsting to death for even a drop of salty water! I can’t accept this! This is too much. Why do I get this treatment when I am the most cooperative and willing to be a victim of sexual abuse!? What kind of injustice is this?"
...
This ghost lost it.