Yu Jingchen had been spending his days with Nan Zhiyun, but every evening he simply accompanied her quietly, without doing anything else.
Since his rebirth, he had stopped any medication for Nan Zhiyun. However, the imperial physician had previously told him that Nan Zhiyun's constitution was rather weak and not particularly suited for pregnancy. Furthermore, after using medication previously, her body needed time to adjust and recover, so having a child at this time was not recommended as it could harm her.
To ensure Nan Zhiyun’s current health, Yu Jingchen had been restraining himself. While medication was no longer an option, having a child would be detrimental to her, so he tried his best to avoid such situations.
"Yes…" Nan Zhiyun wasn't sure if she believed Yu Jingchen’s words.
"Yun'er, I'm sorry." Yu Jingchen knew that a large part of the reason for this situation was his own fault.
Nan Zhiyun offered no response. How could she respond? What could she say?
"Are you resting well? Don't dwell on these things anymore." Yu Jingchen didn't want Nan Zhiyun to be troubled by this issue.
"Mm…" Nan Zhiyun replied, then made to stand up. Sensing her movement, Yu Jingchen let go of her.
Nan Zhiyun stood, gave Yu Jingchen a slight bow, and withdrew. Yu Jingchen watched Nan Zhiyun’s receding back, and his heart ached. He was truly sorry… but he would make amends slowly, and he would have his own child with Nan Zhiyun.
After Nan Zhiyun had bathed and changed, Yu Jingchen had already prepared and was waiting for her. Nan Zhiyun glanced at him, said nothing, and quietly got into bed, pulling the covers over herself and closing her eyes.
Yu Jingchen looked at Nan Zhiyun’s behavior, feeling somewhat powerless. He knew that Nan Zhiyun was unhappy.
Yu Jingchen followed, then lay down beside Nan Zhiyun, gently pulling her into his embrace. However…
"Your Majesty, this concubine wishes to rest… I am not accustomed to this." Nan Zhiyun’s excuse was delivered casually.
Yu Jingchen’s hand froze for a moment. He knew that this was just Nan Zhiyun's excuse; she was angry and didn't want him to touch her.
Yu Jingchen had no intention of letting her go. Instead, he pulled her from his side into his arms. Nan Zhiyun was caught off guard by Yu Jingchen's sudden movement and bumped him.
"It hurts…" Nan Zhiyun couldn't help but utter a word.
"I'm sorry, it won't hurt after I rub it." Yu Jingchen gently massaged Nan Zhiyun's arm.
Nan Zhiyun didn't want any physical contact with Yu Jingchen at this moment, so she subtly pushed him away. This time, Yu Jingchen didn't insist.
Nan Zhiyun turned away, her back to Yu Jingchen. Yu Jingchen felt a sense of helplessness. He couldn't quite describe his emotions; it was a mix of heartache and bitterness, but more than anything, it seemed to be joy and resignation. Because Nan Zhiyun was now acting spoiled in front of him, daring to show her anger.
Yu Jingchen's lips curved into a slight smile. The next moment… he blew out the candle, plunging the room into darkness so deep that no one could be seen. Nan Zhiyun's heart skipped a beat. While she no longer reacted as strongly after the lights were out as she used to, she was still afraid.
Previously, when the lights went out, it was either after she had fallen asleep, or she was in Yu Jingchen’s arms. Now… Nan Zhiyun admitted that she was still afraid.
But if she just endured it now, it would be too embarrassing. Besides, she was the one who had rejected Yu Jingchen's closeness first. Nan Zhiyun decided to bear with it and did not move closer to Yu Jingchen.
She clutched the blanket tightly, covering half her head. Yu Jingchen could sense Nan Zhiyun’s presence. He didn't approach her, waiting for her reaction.
After a long while, there was still no sign of Nan Zhiyun approaching, nor did he hear her voice. Yu Jingchen couldn't keep up the pretense any longer. He reached out and pulled her into his embrace.
"If you're scared, why act tough?" Yu Jingchen held her close. Nan Zhiyun didn't struggle anymore, but she remained silent.
Yu Jingchen found it somewhat strange. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"Your Majesty enjoys frightening this concubine and using tactics against me. It's because Your Majesty knows this concubine cannot compare to you, cannot outwit you, and cannot resist you." Nan Zhiyun said softly.
Yu Jingchen was taken aback. Nan Zhiyun's words struck a chord within him. Everything he was doing now seemed to be precisely as she described—all part of his calculations, using her weaknesses.
Yu Jingchen wanted to speak, but the words caught in his throat. He didn't know how to begin, nor what reason he could offer to tell her that he hadn't meant to.
"I'm sorry…" In the end, he could only choose to apologize. Nan Zhiyun still had her back to him, and Yu Jingchen didn't know how to describe his feelings about her apology. Perhaps she was just too sensitive, leading her to think this way. However… Yu Jingchen was the emperor, and these things should be perfectly normal for him. She had no right to say such things.
Nan Zhiyun didn't want to dwell on it. She was so tired. She felt utterly exhausted, as if she were carrying a heavy burden that ached her entire body and made it difficult to breathe, despite doing nothing.
Receiving no response from Nan Zhiyun, Yu Jingchen didn't speak further. However, he didn't release his arm around her, knowing that Nan Zhiyun would still be afraid. The room fell silent. The already cold weather seemed even more frigid in the dead of night.
Yu Jingchen didn't sleep, maintaining his posture. Only when Nan Zhiyun's steady breathing reached him did he know that she had fallen asleep.
Yu Jingchen's heart was filled with complex emotions. His supposed attempts at making amends, his various methods, had all crumbled under Nan Zhiyun's words.
He still hadn't found the right approach. What he thought was effective didn't necessarily mean it was suitable. Some methods could indeed lead to other complications, even harm. Therefore, he would reflect and correct himself. He was glad that Nan Zhiyun could voice her thoughts, because at least it meant Nan Zhiyun was slowly changing. Some things were improving.
However, the past had settled, and the damage was done. They could not return to how things were before. The traces of a mended broken mirror could never be completely erased, and a nail removed from a wall left a hole that couldn't be perfectly filled.
But he believed that everything would gradually improve. Even with the cracks remaining in the mirror, through persistent effort, the fissures could be made to meet. These rejoined cracks would be a dark chasm in the heart, but with slow filling and diligent maintenance, the chasm would become narrower and shallower. The goal wasn't simply to piece it back together, but to achieve perfection.
Or rather, if a mirror broke, should one simply abandon it? Where would a discarded mirror end up? In other words, if a person was hurt, should they be ignored? Because they could simply be cast aside.
In a sense, the mending of a broken mirror corresponds to reconciliation, and its opposite is like spilled water that cannot be retrieved. Everything has two sides, but unfortunately, some people only see one side and harbor malice towards the opposite side because of it.