Chapter 99: Disgusting
Chapter 98
Jack
Anger isn’t new to me.
I’ve known it my whole life — its pulse, its taste, the way it sits just behind the ribs waiting for an excuse to claw its way out.
But I’ve spent years mastering control. I don’t let it rule me. I don’t lose myself to it.
Not anymore.
That’s what I tell myself, anyway.
Until today.
I’m walking toward them — Ciel and Nolan — my chest still light from the laughter we shared earlier. It’s a great day, I’m happy, they are happy, we’re all happy.
And then I smell it.
Another alpha’s pheromones. On him.
On my omega.
Everything stops.
Ciel is half-hidden behind Nolan, trembling, his scent tangled with fear and shame. I see his clothes tugged, his face pale, his hands shaking. And I see him — the bastard standing too close, smirking like the world owes him something.
Something inside me snaps.
I act face, and punch him straight to the jaw.
"Nolan," I say quietly. Too quietly. "Go."
I don’t turn to watch them go.
I don’t want them to see this part of me.
The part I swore I buried years ago.
Then the red comes.
It’s everywhere — in my vision, in my veins, in the pulse of my heartbeat.
I don’t even remember throwing the next punch. Or the one after that.
All I know is the sound of bone against bone and the way his laughter dies halfway through a breath.
He says something ,maybe a plea, maybe a curse , I don’t hear it.
I just keep hitting him.
All I can think about is Ciel’s face. The tremor in his hands. The way he smelled like someone else.
When they finally drag me off him, my hands are slick and my chest is heaving.
Cuffs bite into my wrists.
Blue lights flash in my periphery.
I don’t resist. I just stare out the window of the cop car, breathing hard, shaking, still tasting blood in my mouth.
I could’ve killed him. I should have.
***
Nolan
I don’t say a word the whole drive.
Ciel’s in the passenger seat, pressed up against the door, his skin slick with sweat. He’s scratching his neck like he’s trying to claw the other alpha’s touch off him.
"Hey, stop—" I reach for his hand, but he jerks away, eyes wide and wild.
Fuck.
"Just— just breathe, okay? We’re almost home."
But we won’t make it. His breathing is too shallow, his pupils blown wide.
When I spot a rundown motel by the side of the road, I don’t think — I just pull in.
We stumble into a room, the door barely closed before Ciel tears at his shirt, skin red from where he’s been scratching.
He rushes straight for the shower, slamming the door behind him.
I close my eyes.
I get my phone and text Jack the location.
I sit there for a moment, staring at the message sent icon, and I feel like the biggest coward alive. My hands are shaking. My throat hurts.
I should be able to comfort him, to hold him and tell him it’s going to be fine, but the truth is — nothing I say reaches him when he’s like this.
I cover my face with my palms, pressing hard until I see stars.
I’m so bloody useless at times like this.
I hate this world. I hate these rules, this reality, these pheromones that turn people into prey and predators. I hate that all I can do is sit here, listening to the water run, while the person I care about falls apart.
And I hate that I can’t do a damn thing to make it stop.
***
Jack
Contrary to what I expected, they didn’t keep me.
Just a warning. A verbal warning.
I nearly killed a man — his jaw’s probably broken, his ribs too — and all I get is a few sympathetic glances and a muttered "We understand, Alpha."
Once they found out why I reacted, the way I did, it was all justified for some godawful reason.
Would it have been the same reaction, had I not been one? Somehow I doubt it.
And that’s when it hit me.
How absurd this whole world is.
How fucking rotten
it is.I look down at my hands, my knuckles split and raw, and for the first time, I don’t even feel proud or strong. Just empty.
I call a ride to the location Nolan sent.
*
Nolan opens the door, his face pale, eyes red. He doesn’t speak, just steps aside to let me in.
We don’t need words.
The sound of running water draws me toward the bathroom. My feet move before I can even think.
When I open the door, my heart breaks clean in two.
Ciel’s on the shower floor — completely naked, pale, his arms wrapped around himself. The water pouring over him isn’t warm; it’s freezing. The tiles beneath my shoes are slick with it.
He’s shivering violently, his lips blue.
I step in, and the shock of the water hits me instantly. It’s like ice biting my skin. He doesn’t even flinch when I touch his shoulder.
"Sunshine," I whisper, reaching for him.
He jerks, panicked. "No! Don’t...don’t touch me!"
I freeze, my heart clenching.
"I just want to help you out of the cold," I try again, softer this time.
He shakes his head wildly. "No! Don’t—don’t take me out. Please." His voice cracks halfway through the word please.
I look over my shoulder , Nolan’s in the doorway, helpless. He meets my eyes and shakes his head.
I swallow hard. "Okay," I say quietly. "We’ll stay. We won’t leave."
He’s scratching at his skin again — angry red lines blooming over his arms, his chest. The water keeps washing the blood away only for it to return seconds later.
"Sunshine, stop," I whisper, grabbing his wrists. "You’re hurting yourself."
"Let me wash it off!" he cries. His voice echoes off the tile, raw and desperate. "I need to wash it off! I’m dirty, I’m so—"
"You’re not dirty."
"I am!" His voice breaks. "I’m disgusting! I couldn’t control it . his pheromones... they.... I reacted!" He’s sobbing now, shaking so hard I can barely hold onto him.
"I got turned on. What kind of person does that make me, Jack? What the fuck am I if not an animal?"
Something in me dies hearing that.
I should’ve killed that bastard. I should’ve.