Chapter 42: Motivation and Brilliant Idea
"Evelyn-sama, is something wrong?" Eve asks. It’s been about 5 hours since I returned to the room and have just been lying on the bed, trying not to think about the horrible things I’ve read.
Eve just walked into the room a few minutes ago. She seems to have enjoyed reading books about fencing and swords, as she came in with a smile, though she lost it after seeing how I am.
"Ah, you know, it’s nothing Eve... just something that really disappointed me... all the races in this world are so... dirty," I say to her, more like a monologue to myself.
"Hmm... are you sad?" She asks, sitting on the floor. I sit on the bed, looking at her as she waits for my response with her legs crossed.
"No, it’s not really sadness that I feel... it’s more a feeling of betrayal, you know?" I knew this was no longer a game, I knew there were going to be different things now, but I never expected such a huge and horrible difference.
The amount of crime, prejudice, and disgusting acts that each race commits is much greater than in the game, to the point where I, coming from a modern society, can only repudiate it.
’I guess this is what happens when someone who lives in a society full of rules and talks about ethics goes to a world where power and violence are normal...’ It’s terrible, without a doubt.
"But what exactly gives you this feeling, Evelyn-sama?" Eve asks, confused. As a living puppet, she has no way of knowing why this is terrible for me.
"It’s... different from what I expected," I tell her, leaving her more confused.
"I don’t think that’s it, it seems like there’s something else weighing on your mind right now," She perfectly hits the wound. It’s obvious that it’s not just the disappointment at the difference between the game and reality.
"I-I... actually..." I swallow hard, looking at her as she waits calmly. I know she won’t judge me for anything I say, but it’s still strange.
"..." I hug my knees, looking at Eve as I let out a sigh.
"I’m afraid..." I say, leaving Eve surprised.
"Afraid? If you’re afraid of someone, you can be sure I’ll protect you and..."
"No... it’s not that... I-I... I’m afraid of becoming like them..." To survive in this dark world, will I have to become a terrible person? Will I be able to stay the way I am now?
"..." What I fear the most is not what they can do to me. With my puppets, I’m confident I can defend myself. What I fear is becoming a terrible and monstrous person just to survive.
This always comes to my mind, the lives I might have to take, and with that comes the question of the weight of the lives of others versus my own.
And the worst part is that somewhere in my mind it’s as if the original Evelyn is saying, "My life is worth more than others!" and that leaves me confused.
"Evelyn-sama..." Eve seems sad now, shaken by my insecurity, because she knows that even though she’s a strong warrior, she can’t protect me from my own feelings.
"Evelyn-sama, then why don’t you try to show that you’re different?" She speaks, catching my attention.
"Yes?" I say, confused about what she means.
"If you think the races are dirty and morally terrible, why not show the world that you can be different from them?" She speaks, still leaving me without understanding.
"Eve, please explain it clearly," I say, letting go of my knees.
"Look, you can create other puppets. Why not create at least one from each race to form a team and show the world that, unlike them, you can stay united with allies, no matter how unusual it may be?"
"Even if these allies are puppets, when you become the Queen of Demons, everyone will be forced to accept your worth and your opinion, and with puppets of different races, we might even be able to get companions from other races who accept your ideology."
"Like, if you have a puppet of a beast-man, I’m sure there must be one somewhere in the world who would join your ideology. In the end, change only occurs when a person takes the first step," She speaks so maturely and brilliantly that I’m surprised.
"T-That... could work!" I say, alarmed. How is Eve so brilliant? I know I gave her an analytical and strategic personality, but just by hearing my insecurities, she came up with a brilliant idea.
"And with that, I can even change the world in the future. I had never thought of such a thing. This idea really can work! If I can prove that I can reach the top without becoming a monster, many will have to change." This resolves part of my insecurity.
Of course, this doesn’t take away the weight of the fact that one day I will take lives on orders that I give to my puppets, but it also shows that I don’t have to be a terrible person just because I’ve taken a life.
I just need to be conscious and responsible. Everything I do or accomplish, I must never minimize or overlook.
"Eve, you’re a dream, seriously! I don’t know what I’d do without you," I say, getting up from the bed and jumping on her in a tight hug. Her idea is really something I’m very grateful for.
"It was nothing, Evelyn-sama. I’m glad that... h-hmm," She’s shocked when I kiss her. It was a strange impulse of gratitude combined with the beauty of her smile... which is exactly the same as mine.
Instead of pulling away, she contributes to the kiss. It’s a sweetly pleasant kiss. Her lips are so soft. Soon I pull away, embarrassed.
"S-Sorry, I don’t know why I did that," I say, sitting on the floor on top of her. It was just a strange impulse.
"It’s okay, Evelyn-sama. If you’re feeling needy, you can count on me for anything, whether it’s a hug, a kiss, or anything else you want to do," She speaks with such confidence that it accelerates my heart.
"T-Thank you... although..." This was pure self-cest. I created her to be a puppet replica of myself, so theoretically she is me in every way, so kissing her is the greatest proof of narcissism possible.
"I-I need to get out and... kyaa!" I try to get up, stumbling on the rug and falling face-first on the floor because fate hates me.
"A-Are you okay?" Eve says, worried, helping me up.
"I’m fine, it’s nothing... let’s just do something soon!!" I say, wanting to disappear from here before I die of embarrassment.
"I’m glad you’re better. How about going to watch me practice fencing? After that, we can go to your meal, and soon Clarissa should be back too," She says as I agree.
"Y-Yes, let’s go..." I say with some calm now, although my face is flushed. I can’t believe my narcissism struck right now. I’m not even that narcissistic!!!
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...
"What’s your problem, you damn Lucien!" I say, creating a large spiral of flames that he dodges.
"Are you mad because of Marie? You shouldn’t have provoked me by putting those damn papers," He says, advancing with a sword while I dodge, mounting a wyvern I created with my blessing.
"You have no proof that it was me!!" I say, alarmed. This bastard blew up my room, all because someone put several papers in the city for small hunters to try to kill us when we went out.
And for some reason, Lucien got proof that it was me, even though it wasn’t, and the worst part is that there are these papers for each candidate for the throne except me, which makes me the suspect.
The papers are of poor quality, there are no well-made images, only drawings that are an insult and a reward that only a desperate person would accept, but since there are crazy people for everything, someone attacked Lucien in the black market and he lost a valuable object that broke.
"I already have the proof, I don’t need your lies. You’d better be more careful when you do these stunts," He says, throwing his sword at me, cutting off the wing of my mount. I jump off it, creating a large block of ice and firing it at him.
"..." As soon as the block hits the ground, he disappears, it seems he left after his warning.
"D-Damn, they set a trap for me!" I murmur, landing on the ice block.
"Who was the miserable one?" Lucien is strong, I didn’t want a fight with him yet. Just his warning was already a problem because I could have been seriously injured. Imagine if he took it more seriously and tried to kill me.
"When I find the son of a bitch who made these damn papers and blamed me, he’ll be screwed!!" I mutter angrily.
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...
"Esther-sama, is there a problem?" A maid asks me as I look out the window.
"Just watching a minor fight between Marie and Lucien," I say, seeing that it’s over. Unfortunate, I had hoped things would escalate a little more, but Lucien decided to retreat after deducing that it wasn’t worth continuing.
"Could you get me paper and a pen? I’m going to write a letter," I tell the maid, who quickly leaves the room to get what I asked for.
’Hmm... the paper strategy failed...’ After Evelyn was attacked because of a poorly made paper with her bounty, I ended up adhering to the idea, having them made for almost everyone except Marie. I even had them made for me as well.
Marie was the one who started it, putting Evelyn’s head on a bounty to lure the weak scum to try to make money, and using that, it was easy to incriminate Marie for all the papers, even though Marie’s goal was more of a prank.
’Well, it was an acceptable result.’ Marie has no way to prove she didn’t do it when she was the one who started by doing that to Evelyn, and it generated friction between her and Lucien.
’Should I make Laplace and Augustus fight now?’ They have their disagreements due to their ways of being. Maybe a little push into the intrigue will help stir things up a bit.
’I wonder what Evelyn is up to...’ I find myself thinking about her a lot lately. She’s become interesting, so she’s gained a good deal of my attention.
"I hope that little hamster is doing something fun for the future," I murmur with a small smile.