Chapter 1 Five Minutes Ago

Five minutes ago, at Stan's house.

Stan's mother, Sharon, was anxiously on the phone: "Please, I don't know who else to turn to. The police aren't helping at all. I think the kids are really in big trouble this time."

The person on the other end of the line said something.

Sharon replied, "Yes... yes... Okay, please call me after you confirm. Thank you." She hung up.

After putting down the phone, her face was still full of worry. Sharon was one of the more normal characters in South Park, so when her son went missing, her reaction was like that of most parents.

But... there was another not-so-normal person in this house. That was Stan's father, Randy, the bottomless pit of South Park...

Randy's image was usually a blue shirt, parted black hair, and a small mustache on his mouth, slightly wider than Hitler's.

This guy's profession was a geologist, but he was rarely seen working properly. Most of the time, he was just lowering the bar everywhere.

At this moment, while his wife was exhausted with worry over their son's disappearance, Randy was holding a portable camera, filming all over the house.

In these two episodes of *South Park*, Randy bought a new camera, so he spent all day filming everything. The content was extremely boring and repetitive... including family meals, showers, watching TV, going to the bathroom, etc., and he even added his own voice-over commentary while filming.

"Randy! I swear to God, if you don't put that thing down..." Sharon roared at him angrily. She had had enough of her husband's antics these past few days.

But Randy responded with the same sentence he had been repeating these past few days: "Sharon, one day you'll be glad I recorded so many family anecdotes."

"I'm not kidding, Randy, enough!" Sharon yelled. "Why do you need to record every minute and second..."

Suddenly, a muffled roar sounded outside the house...

Sharon's words were interrupted, and her expression became one of surprise and uncertainty.

"What the hell was that?" Randy said.

But he didn't stop filming; he entered "Cloverfield" mode (a film that broke new ground in its filming technique, unfolding from the perspective of a character holding a portable camera).

"Oh, my God," Sharon said, sounding a little scared after feeling the earthquake-like footsteps.

"Something seems to be happening outside..." Randy said. "Stay in the house and don't move." He grabbed the camera and ran outside.

As he ran toward the door, Stan's violent sister, Shelly, came down from the second floor. She stood on the stairs and said, "What's going on, Dad?"

"Go back to your room! Shelly!" Randy replied in a commanding tone.

Then, Randy rushed outside. As soon as he opened the door, he saw crowds of people screaming and running, and he heard the sound of helicopter rotors in the sky. He looked up and saw two Chinooks (the kind of twin-rotor transport helicopters common in movies) hovering in the air.

Randy saw a familiar face in the crowd. It was Stan's teacher, Mr. Garrison (a jerk whose depravity was second only to Randy's, with a bald head, glasses, and a green suit. This person had undergone two sex change operations and had been a male heterosexual, a gay man, a female heterosexual, and a lesbian. Each time he changed his sexual orientation, he participated in gatherings and demonstrations of that group, and when his own interests were involved, he would immediately change his position and wildly attack and insult other groups. He was a typical case of "where you stand depends on where you sit"). Randy went up and grabbed him, asking, "What's going on?"

Garrison replied in a panic, "They're everywhere!"

"What? What do you mean by 'they'?" Randy pressed.

"Fuzzy things..." Garrison shouted, "Really... super fuzzy!" After shouting, he shook off Randy's arm and fled in the direction of the crowd.

"Ah—"

A scream caught Randy's attention. He turned his head and saw a man in a yellow t-shirt and jeans flying through the air from far away, landing with a thud right in front of him.

The man's body was severely twisted and deformed. His left leg was bent forward as if he had been on the rack, and his arms were bent behind him. The ribs on the left side of his torso were exposed, and the bone of his right wrist was sticking out.

The man died almost instantly upon landing, bleeding from his mouth and nose, his eyes wide open in death.

"What the [bleep] did that!" Randy exclaimed in shock.

Whoosh—

Another low moan.

Randy looked up and saw... a giant guinea pig behind the fleeing crowd.

"What the hell is that..." Randy exclaimed.

"Mr. Marsh, you need to leave quickly! It's not safe here!" Someone grabbed Randy's shoulder and shouted at him.

The speaker was the town's police officer, Barbrady (wearing sunglasses, slightly overweight, and suspended in one season for being illiterate, though it was unclear why he was later reinstated). He was also considered responsible, even reminding others to evacuate quickly.

Hearing this, Randy quickly ran to the other side of the street, but he saw a car flying out from around the corner. The car rolled several times on the ground and exploded in flames. Following closely behind was another giant guinea pig.

"Oh! God! God!" Randy saw the monster in front of him, but instead of running away immediately, he stopped, pointed the portable camera at his face, and gasped, "Haa... haa... I'm... I'm... haa... amazed!"

Just as this idiot was acting up, suddenly... a speeding car darted out from the side rear of the guinea pig and slammed into the monster.

After the impact, a man in a dark blue ski jacket was ejected from the driver's seat. Even in such a violent car accident, he still didn't forget to hold onto a backpack and a submachine gun.

And in just five seconds, this man had escaped from the monster with extremely agile movements.

At that moment, three F-15s flew overhead, and several missiles trailing white smoke streaked through the air.

All of these missiles hit the guinea pig, but the blast wave affected an area of dozens of meters. Randy was relatively far away and was only knocked to the ground. But Feng Bujue wasn't so lucky; he was blown away and traced a parabola in the air, crashing into a wrecked car on the side of the road.

This car had probably been thrown or trampled by the monsters, and the shell was already deformed. When Feng Bujue fell, his waist was cut by a metal edge that had emerged from somewhere, and a wound a full finger's length was spurting blood.

In a situation where his whole body was slammed into the car like this, his armor couldn't protect him, but the jacket he stole from the gun store at least alleviated some of the damage.

"Damn it..." Feng Bujue cursed as he crawled out of the car.

His face was also cut by broken glass, and a bloody gash ran across his left cheek, but this injury was superficial, didn't cause too much loss of survival points, and didn't cause continuous bleeding damage.

Whoosh—

The smoke and dust from the missile explosion had not yet completely dispersed, and the giant guinea pig's cry sounded again.

According to Feng Bujue's memory, these monsters were very powerful, and conventional weapons were basically useless. Even tanks would be overturned by them. Bullets, shells, missiles... none of them could harm them, only play a suppressing role.

And as a human being made of flesh and blood, approaching these guinea pigs was almost synonymous with seeking death. Given such a large size difference, if humans got close, whether they were scratched, bitten, trampled, or clawed, they would surely die...

"Just around the corner... I can't be stopped here," Feng Bujue muttered fiercely. He slung his backpack over his shoulders, held his wound with one hand, and held his gun with the other. The instant [Ling Shi Ju Shen Shu] was activated, he stomped down hard.

The next second, the sound of concrete being torn apart rang out, and a spiderweb-like crack with a radius of five meters spread out from the road surface beneath Feng Bujue's feet. And the person in the middle of this web had risen up into the sky like a bullet out of a gun.

With a straight-body somersault in the air, Feng Bujue successfully flipped onto the roof of a four-story building.

Since he couldn't get through on the street, he would use parkour to go directly through.

Unexpectedly, just as Jue-ge angled across the roof, he caught sight of Randy on the street ahead. This idiot was still standing there playing his first-person selfie drama while the monster was gradually approaching.

"Crap... this guy..." Feng Bujue naturally recognized Randy, and the cursor on the radar also showed that this was one of his side quest objectives.

So, there was no choice but to save him...

"Run! You [bleep]!" Feng Bujue leaped into the street, firing two grenades at the guinea pig with his M733 CommAndo in mid-air.

The instant the grenades hit the monster but hadn't exploded yet, Feng Bujue landed. He didn't even bother to cushion the impact of the fall, enduring the impact, maintaining his stance, and immediately darting forward.

Randy, with a look of horror on his face, could only see a figure descending from the sky like a superhero and pouncing toward him.

This person was covered in blood, looked ferocious, and didn't look back at the explosion. He seemed to be a real man...

"Ah—" Feng Bujue roared inexplicably. This roar contained too many complex emotions, of course, mainly anger and annoyance.

With a single arm grab, Jue-ge hauled Randy up. He didn't even care about his wound, gritting his teeth, he shouldered the middle-aged man and ran forward like the wind, shouting, "Where is your house?"

"Wh... what?" Randy asked blankly, still in shock.

"Your house! Where is it!" Feng Bujue repeated, enunciating each word.

"It's... it's over there..." Randy pointed to a house a few dozen meters away. Two seconds later, he picked up the camera and pointed it at himself again, "Oh... God, a superhero came to save me." He raised his head slightly and said to Feng Bujue, "Hey, buddy, what's your superhero name?"

"[Bleep]" This was Feng Bujue's response.

And Randy actually believed it. He looked at the camera again and said, "His name is [Bleep], oh! A real superhero, how cool is that!"

If it weren't for the mission requirements, Feng Bujue would have killed this guy long ago, but at this moment, he still had to endure.

In less than half a minute, Feng Bujue rushed to the door of Stan's house. The door of the house was not closed, so Feng Bujue threw Randy in with a flick of his hand, and he himself followed closely behind.

While closing the door, Jue-ge collapsed to the ground.

Within a few minutes, this series of actions had greatly reduced his survival value, now at a dangerous 13%.

As soon as Feng Bujue entered the house, he took out disinfectant, bandages, and sutures from his backpack, preparing to treat the wound on his waist.

As a very efficient person, he didn't idle his mouth either, taking advantage of this time to communicate with the three NPCs in front of him, "Don't be afraid, I'm here to help you."

Sharon and Shelly both looked frightened and helpless, only Randy was holding the camera with a focused expression, pointing it at Feng Bujue, and explaining, "Look, a superhero is stitching up his wound in my living room."

Although Feng Bujue wanted to beat Randy up, he still held back, because he knew that Randy's camera didn't have a tape in it at all... and Jue-ge wasn't going to remind him, so let this guy film.

…………

Meanwhile, Central America, Costa Rican airspace.

In the night sky, a C130 transport plane with the American flag and Department of Defense insignia on its fuselage was flying south.

Five elementary school students sat in a row inside the cabin, no one spoke, and the atmosphere seemed quite strange.

Suddenly, the door to the cockpit opened, and the co-pilot walked in and said to the children, "Okay, we're 800 kilometers from Peru. After landing, a truck will take you into the country, and they'll give you a brief mission briefing." After saying this, he retreated back into the cockpit and closed the door.

A few seconds later, Craig said expressionlessly, "When you came up with that brilliant idea—to make money by pretending to be a Peruvian panpipe band—did any of you have a brief moment where you said, 'Hey, you know what, this plan might go wrong'?" He paused for two seconds, then added, "No, you wouldn't think that, because you're all assholes and you never learn, so everyone at school despises you."

Kyle replied, "That's not true! The kids at school like us." He looked at Stan and said, "Right?"

Stan affirmed, "Of course, the kids at school love us." He turned to Craig and said, "It's just that Craig is being a jerk because we're in a bad situation right now."

Craig still calmly complained, "I'm being a jerk... You took the money from my birthday red envelope (the money for the children to form a Peruvian panpipe band came from Craig), got me arrested, and sent me to Miami. Now none of us can go home without taking Peru down... So, I'm being a jerk?"

Cartman pointed at Craig and said to the other kids, "I'm speechless with this kid."

Craig ignored him and continued, "Do you know why no one at school likes to hang out with you four?" He paused habitually, "Because you're always doing this kind of thing... You always come up with bad ideas, and the results are often the opposite of what you want, and then you get deported or sent into outer space or something." He concluded, "That's why... no one wants to hang out with you."

Cartman replied nonchalantly, "You're too pessimistic, Craig, everything will be alright in the end."

…………

At the same time, United States Department of Homeland Security, conference hall.

The conference hall was empty at this time, with only one person standing silently by the podium at the front, the balding officer, who was also the Secretary of Homeland Security.

In front of him was a world map. At this moment, he was standing with his hands behind his back, looking at the map. A smug smile hung on the corner of his mouth.

"Sir, we've encountered an even bigger problem." The black officer in a general's uniform walked in from the door with a document in his hand, speaking anxiously.

"Oh?" The Secretary of Homeland Security's tone was very relaxed. "What else could be the problem?"

"Major disaster reports have been sent in from all over the world, and the culprit causing the huge casualties and losses seems to be..." The black officer hesitated.

The Secretary of Homeland Security didn't wait for him to finish speaking, but turned around and said with a sneer, "Guinea pigs?"

The black officer was stunned. "Uh... yes, sir. How did you know?"

"You are so close to the truth, Davis." The Secretary of Homeland Security smiled, "Heh... you almost figured it out."

"Uh? Sir?" Davis really didn't understand what the Secretary meant.

"I thought you knew the truth in Miami... but you just couldn't see through the clues," the Secretary of Homeland Security said again.

"You... you knew all along that these things would happen?" Davis stammered.

"Oh~ This is just the beginning, Davis." The Secretary of Homeland Security raised one hand, waving a finger, "And I... will never let you ruin things."

Before he finished speaking, the Secretary of Homeland Security suddenly opened his mouth, his tongue shot out like a javelin, extending to a length of four or five meters in a second, its tip piercing Davis's eye socket, passing through his eyeball, and entering his brain.

Davis didn't have time to react at all. After trembling all over for a few seconds, his brain was completely mashed, and his body fell powerlessly to the ground, becoming a stiff corpse.

The Secretary of Homeland Security retracted his tongue and said very calmly to the corpse in front of him, "I'm sorry, my friend. I've been racking my brains and working hard to wait for this day." He paused for a moment, "The panpipe band is heading for destruction, and the era of us guinea pigs has arrived." He bent down and picked up the folder in Davis's hand, "And the only person who can stop all of this has been sent to a nameless place..."

At this time, the first page of the file was a photo, and the person in the photo was actually Craig...