I had only walked two steps when Lin Hai called again. I answered, quite annoyed, and said, "What is it? Don't transfer your love for Lin Yang to me. I don't need it."

"Don't rub salt in people's wounds. You used to say I was cold. How is your behavior any better? Would I call you if it wasn't important?"

"Didn't I tell you to say it on the phone!"

"Set a time. Whether we meet again after that is up to you."

People are contradictory sometimes. If he doesn't call, you feel like he has no heart. If he does, you find it annoying. Between him and me, it's not just that there's no father-son relationship; even the most basic trust hasn't been established.

"I'm really busy these next few days. Pei Shi Yu is hospitalized," I replied, softening my tone a little.

"Is she sick?"

"No, let's meet in a few days."

"You always say 'a few days.' How about tomorrow? It won't take up much of your time, and I can visit Shi Yu at the hospital."

"That's not necessary. Let's do one o'clock tomorrow then. I'm at the Second Affiliated Hospital of Zhejiang University. Call me when you're nearby, and I'll come down."

This time, Lin Hai hung up faster than I did. Actually, even without meeting, I knew what he wanted to say. It would be nothing more than talking about the past with my mother. What I hated most was that kind of gossip. Bringing up that dark past again had become meaningless.

...

That night, I slept at the hospital, sharing a bed with Pei Shi Yu. It was also the first time in my life I had spent the night in a hospital. It was very late, and the corridor outside was exceptionally quiet. Today had been exhausting for me, but I just couldn't fall asleep. It was one of those nights where the more you wanted to sleep, the less you could. Pei Shi Yu next to me was very quiet. I turned my head to look. She must be asleep. The hand supporting her neck was starting to feel numb. I gently pulled it out...

"You're not asleep yet?" Pei Shi Yu suddenly asked.

"I have insomnia. It's that feeling where you want to sleep but can't," I replied softly.

"That's usually how older people are."

"I rarely have insomnia. I don't know what's wrong today," I said with a smile.

"Is it the environment?"

"No, maybe it's because Lin Hai called me."

"What did he say?"

"He wants to meet me. He made it sound like a farewell. I agreed to meet him tomorrow," I said, exaggerating on purpose.

"Don't dwell on things from the past. Don't you think he's pretty pitiful now?"

"That's because he loved Lin Yang too much. Now that Lin Yang is gone, of course he's sad. Every time he calls me, I feel like he's trying to find a son in me."

"Aren't you his son?" Pei Shi Yu asked in quick succession.

"By blood, yes, but there's no affection."

Pei Shi Yu was silent for a moment, then her voice sounded again, "You know that his attitude towards you in the past was wrong, so why do you still use the same methods on him? Do you want to become like him? Besides, no matter how wrong he is, he's still your father."

"Are you saying that everything he did in the past can be forgiven?"

"Since you're blood-related, there's no such thing as forgiveness. I just hope you can be the best version of yourself. Isn't that what you've always wanted? There's a saying: 'go against the grain.'"

Pei Shi Yu spoke very patiently. Everyone understands the道理 (dao li, principles), but I still couldn't open my heart right away. But Pei Shi Yu's words did have a certain effect. I was, at least, somewhat moved by her words.

In the silence, I carefully recalled my childhood experiences. When I was in my hometown, Lin Hai certainly didn't say he wouldn't raise me, but his wife's attitude hurt me a lot. It could be said that from sixteen to twenty-seven, the relationship between Lin Hai and me was a blank slate.

I sighed softly and turned to my side. At that moment, Pei Shi Yu's arm suddenly rested on my waist, and she placed her palm against my heart and asked, "You child who lacks love, do you feel warmed now?"

"Affection between loved ones can’t replace family love," I replied softly.

"I used to think you were quite manly, but the longer I'm with you, the more I realize you're not a very decisive person."

I didn't want to get caught up in this topic, because even if I wanted to let go, I needed time. The wounds I received as a child were deeply rooted. Many times, I chose to avoid Lin Hai, or respond with harsh words.

I turned back to her side and rubbed Pei Shi Yu's head, saying, "Go to sleep. My affairs with Lin Hai can't be explained in a few words. The resentment is too deep and can only be resolved slowly."

"You're not like that with your mom."

"She explained things clearly to me and didn't leave me with a bad impression."

Pei Shi Yu didn't reply. In the silence, I gradually closed my eyes. It was already late. Even without looking at my phone, I knew it must be almost two o'clock. They say the night is long, but I think the night is actually quite short. In a few more hours, the sky will be bright again, at least for people nowadays.

In the morning, Pei Shi Yu woke up earlier than me. When I opened my eyes, she was staring at my face. I touched my face a little self-consciously, then gave her a generous smile. Surprised, she watched as I immediately threw off the blanket and went into the bathroom. Without a toothbrush, I just quickly rinsed my mouth, and looked in the mirror, my face full of fatigue. Obviously, the short sleep didn't make up for the insomnia of the previous night.

As soon as I walked out of the bathroom, my stomach growled. Pei Shi Yu suddenly laughed and said, "I'm a little hungry too. What should we eat for breakfast?"

"What do you want to eat?"

She picked up her phone and looked at the time, saying, "It's only six-thirty. What good food can we buy?"

"There's a convenience store downstairs. We can just make do with that."

"Didn't your mom say yesterday that she would bring soup?"

"She didn't say she was coming in the morning. If she sends it at noon, aren't we going to starve?"

"Do you want to call her and ask?"

Pei Shi Yu's words made me stare into her eyes, "Are you very hungry right now?"

"A little. I didn't even have dinner last night."

Hearing this, I picked up my phone, but hesitated when dialing, because if she didn't make breakfast for us, I felt like everyone would be embarrassed, especially my mom.

Seeing that I didn't call, Pei Shi Yu asked again, "What's wrong?"

"I don't think I should call. If she didn't make breakfast, wouldn't she have to make it right away?"

"It doesn't matter if she didn't make it. It's better if she did. Why are you making things so complicated?"

I had never seen Pei Shi Yu so gluttonous. She would never have mentioned this before. Her expression now seemed to be desperately craving the soup my mom mentioned last night, while I just felt that it was a bit inappropriate to call her so early in the morning, especially since she had been running around all day yesterday, just like me.