As Zhu Jinsong wracked his head over these sundry matters, the art style of the Little Broken Ball gradually turned fantastical.
As everyone knows, England and France fought a Hundred Years' War, a Thirty Years' War, a War of the Spanish Succession, a War of the Austrian Succession, and a war against the Silly Hawk. Starting in 1337, England and France have always disliked each other and wished for each other's demise.
By normal logic, given the terrible state of relations between France and England, Louis XVI and George III should be mortal enemies, and it should be impossible for them to sit together peacefully.
However, the magical reality never plays out according to logic.
Louis XVI and George III did indeed sit down peacefully, even drinking tea and waiting for their food.
Of course, Louis XVI was the type who wouldn't get up early without profit, and George III was pretty much the same. Thus, both cherished every minute and second. Even while sitting in a Guangzhou restaurant drinking tea and waiting for their meal, neither forgot to study the situation in Europa.
George III spoke first, "I plan to purchase some books in Guangzhou and also invite a few interpreters who understand the French language to return with me."
Louis XVI glanced at George III and said, "Ignorant people always flaunt their stupidity with incessant chatter, while wise people have already taken practical action."
George III was taken aback and asked, "What do you mean?"
Louis XVI shrugged his shoulders and said, "It means nothing, other than that I have already sent people to find interpreters and have them help me translate books on governance from the Central Plains' halls. Additionally, I plan to invite a few chefs from the Central Plains' halls back to France."
George III's face darkened and he said, "Louis, have you forgotten that we are now allies of the Little Broken Pot's Five Great Benefactors? Even if you don't want to mention buying books from the Great Ming, you should have reminded me about hiring chefs from the Central Plains' halls."
Louis XVI let out a scoff and mockingly said, "Actually, I didn't expect you to be so foolish that you would need someone to remind you of such a simple matter."
After mocking George III, Louis XVI changed his tone and said, "However, you are right. I will remember to remind you of things in the future."
George III snorted coldly, "Then I truly thank you."
"You're welcome, who are we but the Five Great Benefactors of this Little Broken Ball?"
Louis XVI first humbly expressed that there was no need for thanks, then looked at George III and asked, "By the way, you mentioned earlier that you wanted to find a soft persimmon to pinch in Europa. Whom do you plan to target?"
Now it was George III's turn to show off.
George III glanced at Louis XVI and said, "Why are you in such a hurry? Soft persimmons are everywhere. The key is that we must first study who is the richest and easiest to pinch before deciding on a target—otherwise, why do you think I invited you to stay in Guangzhou for a few more days?"
Louis XVI thought to himself, does he really think I, Louis, don't know? As soon as you arrived in Guangzhou, you sent people to invite interpreters, then you bought many books from the Great Ming, and you also wanted to invite a Great Ming chef back to England with a high salary.
Still talking about researching which soft persimmon is rich and easy to pinch, are you trying to fool ghosts while burning the Times on a grave?
After a barrage of mockery in his heart, Louis XVI finally spoke, "You know, our France and the Great Ming are the most loyal allies to each other. Therefore, before we left Jinan Prefecture, I had a private meeting with the Emperor of the Great Ming."
George III's heart tightened, but his face remained nonchalant. He gave an "oh" and casually said, "Did the Ming Emperor treat you to a private meal again?"
Louis XVI first nodded, then spat and said, "How could it have been just a private meal?"
Seeing that George III didn't probe further, Louis XVI felt somewhat bored and said, "The Ming Emperor treated me to a private dinner and then spoke with me privately about the situation in Europa."
Hearing this, George III became even more nervous.
As everyone knows, if there were fools in the world, France would certainly be among them. If there were lickspittles, France would surely be the one leading the charge.
Analyzing Louis XVI's foolish intelligence, the Emperor of the Great Ming only needed a meal and a few promises, and Louis XVI would have no hesitation in selling out Europa.
And thinking that the Emperor of the Great Ming had a private banquet with Louis XVI but not with himself, George III couldn't help but feel a surge of jealousy—clearly, I, George, can also sell out Europa! Damn Louis XVI!
With a cold snort, George III suppressed his inner displeasure and asked, "And then?"
Louis XVI sighed and said, "I must admit, the Emperor of the Great Ming is indeed the greatest emperor I have ever met, and also the kindest emperor. At the same time, he is also an emperor with great personal charm."
"After the banquet, he told me how to govern a country well—for example, by reducing taxes and allowing the people to rest, by opening up avenues for discourse, and by minimizing unnecessary construction."
"I had heard similar principles before from people like the Grand Scholar Voltaire, the Grand Scholar d'Holbach, and the Grand Scholar Diderot. However, the same principles, when spoken by the Emperor of the Great Ming, were more convincing than when spoken by these grand scholars."
George III became even more displeased. With another cold snort, he said, "I admit that the Ming Emperor is very skilled in governing the country, but I don't believe you can learn his methods of governance."
"If nothing else, let's talk about your French Madame Déficit. How do you plan to solve France's deficit of two billion francs?"
Louis XVI picked up his tea and took a sip, saying with a hint of pride, "Please note that our France's deficit is now only over one billion francs."
"As for how to solve this deficit of over one billion francs, it is naturally by following the method that the old deaf Emperor Qian told us. Otherwise, how else can we solve a deficit of over one billion francs?"
With that, Louis XVI shifted his topic again and said, "Of course, the issue of the French treasury deficit is easy to solve. What we need to discuss now is not this problem, but rather which of the persimmons in Europa are the softest?"
George III calmly sipped his tea and said, "Of course, it's Portugal. Ever since the great earthquake in Lisbon, Portugal has been in decline. Last time they lost over two thousand soldiers to the Great Ming and their Macau, and Maria I still endured it with gritted teeth, didn't she?"
Louis XVI, however, shook his head and said, "If I were you, I would absolutely not choose Portugal."
George III was stunned and asked, "Why?"
Louis XVI said, "Portugal owes money to the Great Ming. If you were to destroy Portugal before they repay the debt, how would the money owed to the Great Ming be accounted for? Would you repay it on behalf of Portugal?"
George III smacked his lips and said, "If that's the case, then in the future, if we encounter any crisis, all we need to do is owe the Great Ming some money?"
Louis XVI became even more smug, "Do you remember what I said earlier? Ignorant people always flaunt their stupidity with incessant chatter, while wise people have already taken practical action."
"I, using the French treasury income as collateral, borrowed ten billion Dragon Yuan, which is one hundred million taels of silver, from the Great Ming to purchase French firearms and artillery. Until this money is repaid, let's see who dares to touch a single hair of my France?"
George III's heart became even more displeased.
This is a case of being slow in one step and slow in all subsequent steps, so slow that in the end, you can't even catch up to the hot shit.
After verbally scolding Louis XVI thoroughly in his heart, George III, with a dark expression, said, "Then tell me, which soft persimmon should we choose to pinch?"
Louis XVI couldn't help but laugh heartily. After he had laughed enough, he said, "How would I know which soft persimmon to choose? If I knew, I would have told you long ago. Of course, besides our France and your England, and Portugal which owes money to the Great Ming, all the rest are soft persimmons, and you can pinch whichever one you like."
George III glanced at Louis XVI and said with a cold smile, "Then do you dare to pinch the Vatican?"
Louis XVI's laughter abruptly stopped. Damn it, pinching the Vatican is easy, but the question is who can bear the consequences?
Louis XVI glared fiercely at George III and said, "As long as you dare to pinch it, then I dare to pinch it. I suppose Paul I wouldn't dare to pinch anything!"
George III snorted coldly and said, "Alright, stop bragging. When it comes to bragging, your bragging is so obvious that people immediately know it's bragging, with no technical content at all."
"If you ask me, why don't we set our sights on Spain? Spain has many colonies, and as long as Spain cedes some colonies and joins the Little Broken Pot, this matter can be considered settled, how about it?"
Louis XVI said, "Not good, unless you want to fight another War of the Spanish Succession."
In 1700, Charles II died, and his sister Maria Theresa's grandson, Philip V of France, succeeded to the throne. From then on, the Spanish throne passed from the Austrian Habsburg family to the French Bourbon family. In order to contest the Spanish throne, France and Spain (supported by England and the Netherlands) engaged in a War of the Spanish Succession, which concluded with the Treaty of Utrecht in 1713.
This means that at the present time, Spain and France are related by marriage. If George III wanted to act against Spain, Louis XVI, being of the same Bourbon family, would certainly not agree.
After some thought, Louis XVI simply proposed, "Why don't we set our sights on Austria, ruled by the Habsburg family, or perhaps focus on the Habsburg family themselves."
George III felt that this made sense.
After all, the Habsburg family had no relationship with England. Coincidentally, the Habsburg family's strength was not great at this time. The Holy Roman Empire ruled by the Habsburg family was neither Roman nor an Empire. Although the Kingdom of Austria still had some prestige, if England and France joined forces to deal with Austria, wouldn't they beat the shit out of it?
Just the thought of "shit" made George III feel uncomfortable—George II had died from straining too hard during defecation.
After some thought, George III said to Louis XVI, "Let's set our sights on Austria, and don't try to mess with the Habsburg family. Although the Habsburgs are weakened now, we are doing this to establish our authority, and we must act quickly and decisively. We cannot drag the whole of Europa into war."
After Louis XVI nodded in agreement, George III asked again, "By the way, regarding Paul I, will you send someone to notify him, or should I?"
Louis XVI chuckled and retorted, "Why should we notify Paul I?"
Seeing George III's look of confusion, Louis XVI slowly explained, "The Little Broken Pot has five great benefactors, and among these five great benefactors, there are strengths and weaknesses. You must admit this, right?"
George III nodded and said, "Of course. The Great Ming is the strongest, followed by our England and your France. The Russian Bear is next, and finally, the weakest of the Five Great Benefactors, the Silly Hawk."
Louis XVI hummed and said, "So, the current situation is that the Great Ming has firmly secured the first chair, and the two of us are competing for the second chair. If we notify Paul I, wouldn't that give him an opportunity? If they become stronger, would they still be willing to sit obediently in the fourth chair?"
Judging by himself, Louis XVI felt that if his own strength increased, he would certainly not be content with someone sitting in front of him. Therefore, no matter what, he could not give Paul I an opportunity to become stronger; it would be best for him to remain obediently in the fourth chair. If it weren't for the Emperor of the Great Ming insisting on creating the Five Great Benefactors, Louis XVI wouldn't even want to play with Paul I.
George III had no objections to this. He just frowned, deliberated for a moment, and then looked at Louis XVI and asked, "Well, what reason should we use to attack Austria?"
Louis XVI shook his head and said, "We don't need to attack Austria. We just need to publicize what the Habsburg family has done in the newspapers."
"For example, Philip III married his cousin Margaret, and Charles II's father married his cousin Elizabeth. Therefore, Charles II died at the young age of 39..."
"Or for example, the current Emperor of Austria, Francis I, married his cousin and niece, Princess Maria Theresa of Sicily."
"So, we don't need to do anything. We just need to publish these matters in the newspapers and mock them for seeking pure blood, hmm?"
"If he can still tolerate it after this, then we can ask him in the newspapers, 'I, Louis XVI, am the King of France, and you, George III, are the King of England. We are both just kings, yet you, Franz I, dare to call yourself Emperor? Do you have any shame?'"