The two sat facing each other on a soft couch, Xie Jiang's feet still resting in Xu Hengyi's lap. Every sigh they exchanged could be heard clearly, so how could she not hear her soft murmurs?
Xu Hengyan's heart felt as if it were being tightly squeezed by a pair of hands, his breathing growing heavy, his throat sore and swollen as if something were blocking it.
"How can you be superfluous? Even if I get married, you will still be the most important person to me." No one could ever replace her.
"There's a saying, 'favoring love over friendship.' Nothing has happened yet, who can say for sure?" Xie Jiang expressed reasonable doubt, fearing he would forget her once he had a wife.
"You also know that things haven't happened yet. Perhaps the problem you're worried about will never arise. Why have you become so needlessly anxious?"
Xu Hengyan chuckled softly, trying his best to appear very relaxed. But why had she become so uncharacteristically anxious? The more Xu Hengyan understood this, the more suffocated he felt.
This was exactly what he had wished for, yet seeing her look so lost and dejected, he couldn't muster any joy.
Xie Jiang didn't want to listen to his empty words of comfort. She pulled the blanket over herself and lay down, even nudging him aside impatiently, complaining that he was taking up too much space and affecting her ability to lie flat.
Xu Hengyan didn't dare to utter a sound when kicked.
He also didn't want to waste the little time they had left together discussing this topic that made them both unhappy.
When he got married in the future, and she discovered that nothing had changed, her knot of worry would naturally untangle.
~
On the journey back to Ninghe, Xu Hengyan's mood was heavy and somber.
When Xie Jiang learned that his next return to the capital would be for his wedding, she said nothing and turned away.
He waited outside the city for a long time, but her figure never appeared. This time, she didn't come to see him off.
It wasn't until he settled into the post station that night that someone he had left in the capital delivered a message: she had left the city early that morning and had personally watched him depart on the official road.
But she had never shown herself.
She stood alone in the cold wind for a long time, unmoving like a stone statue.
Afterward, she led her horse and wandered aimlessly, eventually arriving before Nanzhao Temple and taking temporary lodging there.
The few words from the messenger struck Xu Hengyan like a bucket of boiling water, causing his blood to surge.
With what kind of feelings had she watched him leave?
His mind was filled with the image of her lost and forlorn figure, not knowing where she was going.
The urge to rush to Nanzhao Temple to see her suddenly surged, then became an unstoppable flood.
When Xu Hengyan came to his senses, chilled by the cold night air of late autumn, he found himself outside the post station.
"Young Master?"
Guang Bai was somewhat startled by the young master's unusual behavior.
Was the young master planning to return to the capital, or perhaps head straight to Nanzhao Temple to see Marquis Xie?
The messenger had only said that Marquis Xie had waited by the official road early in the morning, and the young master had not shown himself as they passed. After they left, he had stood by the roadside for a while before wandering to Nanzhao Temple.
It wasn't a big deal, was it?
It was just that Marquis Xie had secretly escorted him for a stretch. He didn't know what the young master was overthinking, but he had rushed out of the post station as if he had lost his soul.
Guang Bai thought that perhaps Marquis Xie had left the city early that morning precisely to go to Nanzhao Temple. It was just a coincidence that she happened to be on the way to see the young master off.
But to stand by the official road before dawn, there was no need to rush so much if she was going to offer incense at Nanzhao Temple. Besides, no one had heard that Marquis Xie was a devout Buddhist.
Could it be that Marquis Xie had indeed come specifically to see the young master off? Guang Bai's heart wavered once more, feeling that Marquis Xie's feelings for the young master were not entirely insincere, especially after they had shared life and death together.
The subordinates quickly prepared the luggage and soon brought the horses.
Xu Hengyan tightened his grip on the reins, but then remained frozen, not mounting the horse.
Guang Bai reminded him but dared not say anything further.
In the end, Xu Hengyan suppressed the impulse, threw down the reins, and turned back into the post station.
Since he couldn't change the reality of marrying in a little over two months, what was the point of rushing to her now?
It would only add to their troubles.
Xu Hengyi had indulged in pleasure and entertainment for so many years, and he likely had some experience by now. He hoped that this not-so-outstanding strength of his would prove useful in the coming months.
If he enjoyed himself, he would forget all his worries.
As Xu Hengyan emerged from the courtyard of the Grand Madam Xu the night before his departure, he called out to Xu Hengyi, who was trying to slip away.
Xu Hengyi was like a quail, his heart filled with trepidation.
When Xie Jiang was around, he was fine. Xie Jiang was his courage; he could even exchange a few words and laughs with his second brother in her presence. But when Xie Jiang was not around, facing his second brother alone, every pore on his body dared not exhale.
Xu Hengyi was waiting to be slowly tortured, but unexpectedly, his second brother only instructed him to take Xie Jiang out to play more often, without any extra words.
His second brother had always been indifferent to them. Whenever he did pay attention to them, eight out of ten times it was to inquire about their studies. This time, he hadn't even mentioned it.
To take Xie Jiang out to play more! The happiness descended too suddenly. Was he sure his second brother wasn't tricking him? Xu Hengyi hastily agreed, and then couldn't help but show his joy.
"Can we play anything? Even Spring Garden?"
Earlier, the elders had asked them to take Xie Jiang to visit Spring Garden. His second brother must have meant the same thing, right? After all, who in the capital didn't know about Xie Jiang's particular hobbies?
With his second brother's approval, wouldn't he be able to stay at Spring Garden for a few days? Xu Hengyi was so excited that he almost couldn't resist jumping around his second brother a couple of times.
Had his second brother also discovered that places like Spring Garden weren't as terrifying as they seemed?
Where was this dissipation and loss of ambition from indulging in beautiful women and frivolous pursuits? It was all just alarmist talk from the elders. Was he someone with weak willpower?
Xu Hengyan's expression instantly darkened. He couldn't give Xu Hengyi a pleasant look; his mind was always on trivial matters.
Sensing something was wrong, Xu Hengyi immediately restrained his overly ecstatic smile. "Got it, got it. We won't go to Spring Garden, absolutely not. We'll play something else..."
Xu Hengyi felt a chill down his neck, thinking his second brother's expression was as if he wanted to devour him.
But hadn't his second brother himself given the instruction to let Xie Jiang have fun? Xie Jiang had the most fun at Spring Garden.
~
The postmaster rushed out upon hearing the commotion, having lost one of his shoes. He was hastily trying to put it on his foot, and before he could even put it on, he saw the Young Master Xu returning from outside.
The postmaster was somewhat surprised and uncertain. Hadn't they said that the Young Master Xu and his entourage were hastily packing their belongings, preparing to travel through the night?
He had been muttering to himself as he ran, wondering if something so urgent had happened in the capital or Ninghe that the Young Master Xu couldn't even wait one night.
Why had he returned? Wasn't the Young Master Xu in a hurry to travel anymore? Had the matter been resolved?
Seeing Guang Bai following him in, the postmaster quickly put on his shoe and then solicitously stepped forward to inquire, "It's not that there's anything..."
Before the postmaster could finish his sentence, Guang Bai waved his hand, signaling him to retreat.
The postmaster, with great perceptiveness, remained in place and did not follow, only secretly wondering in his heart what this was all about.
Xu Hengyan tossed and turned all night, his mind filled with the desolate image he had conjured of Xie Jiang leading her horse.
He wondered where she was at this moment. Had she already returned to the capital? Or was she temporarily staying at Nanzhao Temple?
It was late at night, was she asleep yet?