Chapter 295: Chapter 295 - Shoot Day: Hazing & Dazing
Walking back from the changing area with Simone, wearing my own clothes again, I felt lighter than I had in a while. Not as an effect from the new perk or just from shedding the high-dollar outfits.
The day itself had been... relieving. Performing the job I was asked and doing it well - to my own opinion and that of others - was uplifting. Accomplishment? In a way that doing what I was told to do and expected to do as royalty never was.
It was the same with learning archery. With learning to sneak about for my own fun adventures. All these things were not duty... even though you could argue signing a contract certainly made it so.
"You held up remarkably well for your first full shoot. Most first-timers are dead on their feet even after lunch..."
"I prepared myself for the reality of it well enough. And I had better support here than I expected, if I’m being truthful. What floundering I did do was covered by the crew."
Around us, those very people were in various stages of departure. Some had already packed their personal gear and headed out, eager to return to their own lives after a long day.
But a cluster remained gathered around the main monitor station. Animated voices arguing and praising in measures. The sounds that come from reviewing good work, like I’d often heard in the kingdom’s salon about my sister-in-law’s painting.
> I suppose I can admit I was envious of that. She seemed to think the opinion of others wasn’t the point of her art. Though she certainly shared lots and lots of opinions on my attempts... <
"Citra! Come see this."
One of the camera assistants waved us over enthusiastically. Sonya stood behind him, scrolling through images on the large display and checking boxes. No doubt getting in a round of narrowing down the photos that best qualify in her eyes.
The technical quality as glimpses of the day’s work flashed and stopped across the screen was immediately apparent - crisp, well-lit, smart use of background and focus. Seeing myself in these images felt only slightly surreal thanks to the differing hair styles.
> Not like I haven’t grown somewhat used to being in an entirely different body. Seeing that face framed differently is not so big of a leap, though I do think Helene looks better wearing *my* favorite number. <
"We pulled a few crew favorites to show you before you left. We think they have a good chance of being picked."
As Sonya explained without looking over, she grinned mischievously in a way that I hadn’t seen her do all day. She must be letting her guard down? Or trying to get me to let mine down...
"Someone insisted we start with this one after slipping it in. As you can see, it could not have been me as that, over there, is my hand in the frame next to you."
The image that appeared on screen as she defended herself made me immediately want to dig a hole - and cave in the entrance. It was at the table at lunch, mid-bite of my third wrap *after* people had supposedly went about their business and left my personal phone usage alone.
Sauce escaping the corner of my mouth in the primal act of... absolutely demolishing my food. I knew it would not be the prettiest thing, but getting a look at how feral I appear when eating is kind of killing every sense of self-worth in my body.
"Oh, come on. Delete it."
I groaned as my hands covered my face. The crew members chuckle and banter with what sounds like no malice, but I really wish they were just being mean for real - as this is absolutely that ’hazing’ that I was warned about!
"It’s actually a great candid. Shows you’re human and not a modeling robot."
"Well, mostly human? The way she puts away food reminds me of those videos of-"
"Oh! I bet I know what you are going to say. Puppies just attacking the bowl of kibble... right?"
"Bingo."
"Moving on. This is the one we’re all excited about."
Sonya interrupted them with the mercy of an angel - which validates my choice to Annex her earlier in the day. She clicked the mouse to move onto the next image... and the photo that displaced it took my breath.
From the afternoon session, during one of the fur coat shots. I was caught in a three-quarter profile, my head tilted slightly with a contemplative expression on my face. One hand was raised, fingers just touching the fur trim at my neck, adjusting something about my braid on the collar.
The lighting caught every texture perfectly - the glossy dark of my hair, the soft spread and texture of the arctic fox fur, the catchlight in my eyes that made them seem to glow with deep thought. But it wasn’t the technical perfection that made me stare.
It was the crystalline clarity with which I remembered exactly what I’d been thinking when that photo was taken. What I’d mumbled in my soul to Vrika, sitting there so patiently. Because there was something in my face that looked... unperformed.
> As a fox in spirit wearing a werewolf body, maybe I should get some of this fur for the child? That way it would wear things the other way around... <
My stomach cramped. Not just at the words itself, but the... fondness behind it. The stressless way I’d been planning something special for Helene’s child. Planning as if I expected to... care enough to give it personal gifts.
"The expression is great. Kind of serene, but also stunning. I’d be excited to open up and see more of this person in print, but we’re probably all a little biased right now.."
Simone was saying right beside me with a grin, but her voice sounded distant. As my internal state was fighting strongly against the work of the slab trying to remain whole and unfractured in my soul.
I nodded mutely. At her assessment of the evidence. At the crews technical talk and jump to other good photos. All of it coming off as background noise - like ’radio static’.
Thinking about the child not as a burden or a duty, but as... something I might actually like? Something worth planning little kindnesses for and not just covering all the small needs. I’d been trying desperately not to do so.
But I guess I can’t just start reaching out for connections all over like I have been and not risk connecting with something that I was going to raise, before I knew it. Sitting curled around my knees, my wolf approaches and lays its snout over my head.
> The spawn of your old partner and that man... even if the acceleration and change to a pup may have potentially been my fault, I’m not really it’s mother. Even if I’m the one that will go through the labor... right? <
Vrika didn’t have a great answer. It just showed how other members of a pack would watch out for the young. Which I suppose is a good an answer as any.
I just have to keep not overthinking things. Just have to do my best.
And avoid turning into my very tangible worst. No matter what happens once the child is here.