Chapter 104: When The Devil Is Away
Lydia sat in the quiet library, trying to cry, but no tears came. Her eyes stung, her throat felt heavy, but still, not a single tear fell. It was like her body had grown tired of crying. She hugged the book tightly against her chest and tried to breathe slowly. The silence around her made everything feel heavier.
The walls felt too close, the shelves too tall. Even the soft golden light coming through the windows looked cold. The warmth was gone. The comfort she used to find in this room had disappeared. Her thoughts kept circling, never resting. It was exhausting.
She could hear the clock ticking slowly behind her, each tick echoing louder than the last. Her heartbeat followed it like a slow drum. Tick. Tick. Tick. Time was moving, but her world felt stuck.
She remembered the first time Ivan brought her here. He had smiled as he picked a book from the top shelf and handed it to her like a gift. Back then, even his silence felt warm. She remembered the way he would sit quietly across from her, turning pages without speaking, and somehow that quiet between them had been enough.
But now... the quiet was empty. It swallowed her whole. It hurt.
Then she heard footsteps. Her heart lifted a little as she turned around, hoping it was Ivan. For a moment, everything paused — even her breath.
But it wasn’t him. It was Leonid. He paused at the door and gave a gentle smile. Lydia let out a soft sigh.
"You were expecting my brother, weren’t you?" Leonid asked.
Lydia nodded. "He disappeared. I don’t know where he went, so I came here to find him. But he’s not here either. I’m just a little worried."
Leonid walked in slowly, noticing the book in her hands. "You must love reading. So does my brother. Whenever he came to the palace, I always found him here in the library."
He tried to change the topic to cheer her up.
"What’s the book about?"
Lydia looked down at the cover and said softly, "The sea."
Leonid sat across from her. "You must really love the sea."
Lydia nodded. "It reminds me of my parents. When I read, I feel... happy."
She looked away, eyes starting to water. "I told Ivan once that being with him makes me feel just like reading does. It makes me happy."
Her lips trembled as guilt rose again in her chest. Her hands gripped the book tighter. What would happen when the month ends? What if Ivan found out everything? What if he hated her? What if he never forgave her?
Her stomach tightened. She could barely breathe. It felt like the air in her lungs didn’t belong to her.
She spoke without realizing. "I don’t think I can live without him."
The words left her lips like a secret escaping, one she hadn’t meant to say aloud. But now that they were out, there was no taking them back. Her chest tightened, as if the confession had made everything feel more real.
Leonid heard her and moved closer. "Don’t worry. Ivan will come back soon. He’s probably just finding it hard to stay here because of my mother and father. But he’s okay. He’ll return."
Lydia wiped her eyes and nodded. She wanted to believe that.
---
Meanwhile, Olga stood in the corridor, staring out the window at the sky. Her face was calm, but there was no emotion in her eyes. She had been walking around the palace for some time, silently observing everything.
Every creak in the wooden floor brought back a memory. Every corner whispered a story from the past. Some sweet. Some bitter. All uninvited.
Even the scent of the palace hadn’t changed — that mix of roses, wood polish, and faint candle wax. It clung to everything, even after all these years. And yet, it made her feel like a stranger in her own skin.
She finally whispered, "Everything is still the same."
A maid came and bowed. "Your room has been prepared for your stay, Your Majesty."
Olga turned her head slightly. "Lead the way."
The maid walked ahead, and Olga followed. As they passed the chambers for the queen, Olga’s eyes caught something familiar. The grand duchess’s chambers.
Her steps slowed.
She walked toward it, her hand brushing lightly over the gold-inlaid doorframe. Memories rushed in. She remembered her first time walking in there, holding Marina’s hand, smiling and laughing. Marina had been so excited to move in. Everything had felt perfect.
But then the memories twisted.
She remembered another day. Standing in the same room. Her eyes full of tears. Marina’s face pale, her hands trembling as she confessed about the pregnancy. The pain hit again, sharp and cold. Olga pulled her hand away from the wall.
There was no warmth in the gold now. Only ghosts.
She turned to leave, but someone was walking toward her from the stairs. It was Katherine.
Their eyes met. Katherine stopped immediately. Her whole body went stiff.
"Your Highness," she said quickly. Then corrected herself, "I’m sorry. Your Majesty."
Olga laughed quietly. It was a cold laugh. "It’s been eight years since we last looked each other in the eye. The last time you saw me, you were serving me as the grand duchess. Your body must still be used to addressing me that way."
She took a few slow steps closer. "How have you been, Katherine?"
Katherine stuttered, unable to speak clearly.
Olga tilted her head. "Still the same. Too scared to speak around me. Funny."
She turned to leave. "The last I heard of you was that dreadful night. I was a bit worried. But you seem to be doing well."
Just as she started to walk away, Katherine said, "Did you really do it?"
Olga froze.
She didn’t answer. Her fingers clenched the fabric of her dress tightly. She walked away without another word, leaving Katherine standing there, shaken.
---
Back in the library, Lydia sat in the same spot. It was late in the morning now. Her eyes stared out the window, waiting for Ivan. Hoping.
There was a knock.
Tatiana stepped in, carrying a small tray of food. Her face was just as tired as Lydia’s.
"You haven’t eaten since yesterday," she said softly. "How about you eat something, Your Highness?"
Lydia shook her head. "I’m not hungry."
Tatiana placed the tray on a nearby table and walked closer. She knelt beside Lydia.
"I know it’s hard to see him in pain. But you have to take care of yourself too. Even if he doesn’t say it, he needs you. Please eat. So you can have the energy to be there for him."
Lydia looked at her, then at the tray. She didn’t feel like eating, but she nodded and took a bite. It was hard to swallow, but she forced herself to finish most of it.
Tatiana smiled gently. "Thank you."
She stood, ready to leave, but Lydia spoke.
"I can’t help but wonder if I’m part of his pain."
Tatiana turned around, walked back, and placed the tray down. She stroked Lydia’s cheek gently.
"You are not his pain, Your Highness. You are his light. His everything. So stop worrying."
She picked the tray and walked away.
"There are still some things to take care of for the ball," she said. "But don’t concern yourself. I will handle it myself. How about you rest for today? Tomorrow, we can continue the preparations."
Lydia nodded slowly, though she didn’t mean it. Deep down, she didn’t want to rest. She didn’t want to think about the ball. She just wanted to disappear. To be somewhere quiet, where no one could find her.
Somewhere where her heart could beat freely again.
---
The day dragged on.
She stayed in the library, not reading, just watching the sky. She saw the sun begin to set. Still, Ivan hadn’t returned.
Leonid had told her not to worry.
Tatiana had said the same.
But her heart wouldn’t listen. Her heart kept whispering, "What if something’s wrong?"
She sat there until the room was covered in orange light.
---
Just outside, at the edge of Svetlana, Ivan sat alone on a wooden bench. Snow had started falling again. His coat was dusted with white. His eyes were red, not from tears but from exhaustion. From pain.
He looked up at the sky. Then down at the ground. Then closed his eyes.
He wanted to go back. To go back to Lydia. To hold her. To tell her he was sorry for leaving so suddenly.
But his legs didn’t move.
He didn’t want to return to that palace. Not while Olga and Vladimir were there.
That palace was filled with ghosts. With betrayal. With everything he had tried so hard to forget.
Still, he thought of her.
Her face.
Her laugh.
The way she held him the night before.
He wanted to go back. But he didn’t know if he had the strength.
He leaned back, looking up at the sky again, and let the snow fall on his face.
It was the only thing that felt real in that moment.
And in that still, frozen silence... he missed her more than words could ever say.