Zhan Jingchun secretly saw a psychologist.
The doctor told her that the more she felt this way, the more she should socialize, distract herself, and try not to think about the past. Time would dilute everything. As long as she persisted for a month, her state would improve significantly.
She understood everything and tried her best to cooperate with the doctor, going out the next day.
She signed up for a jazz dance class and a guzheng lesson, filling her schedule.
She thought this would help her recover, but it was useless.
No matter what she did, Peng Fei was always in her heart, and she couldn't forget him for a moment.
Seeing a figure similar to his would remind her of him, hearing a pleasant voice would remind her of him, drinking water would remind her of him feeding it to her lips, putting on shoes would remind her of him crouching down to help her, and even showering would involuntarily bring him to mind.
She was like someone who had lost love, realizing she would never contact him again, never see him again, and her heart was filled with melancholy.
But she refused to admit she had lost love.
How could she have fallen in love with Peng Fei?
He was a bad person, a complete scoundrel, who had restricted her freedom and ruined her once happy life.
She just thought she couldn't forget him because she hated him too much.
Zhan Jingchun truly hated him, drawing him on paper again and again, doodling on his face, praying he would never find a wife and would suffer his whole life.
But what was the point of that? It was all self-deception.
Ventilating her anger on paper had no effect; besides tormenting herself, she knew nothing else now.
Her ex-boyfriend Xiao Bowen had been asking to see her since he heard she was back, but Zhan Jingchun didn't want to meet him.
At first, it was because she had changed, and she felt they were no longer compatible, so she didn't want to see him.
Now, she didn't want to see him because her heart no longer cared about him.
He was doing very well, as always.
He hadn't messed up his life trajectory because of her disappearance; he had even joined his father's company and the work was on track.
He had always been an excellent, disciplined person, young and handsome, with plenty of admirers.
Zhan Jingchun knew without seeing him that he must still be as handsome and refined. What would she say to him if they met?
Because of their past relationship, should she ask him to overlook her past indiscretions, give up those excellent girls, and rekindle their old flame?
She couldn't be so selfish, nor did she want Xiao Bowen to be so selfless. She didn't want any psychological burden.
However, they still ran into each other.
That day, as she came out of her dance class, she was waiting for her driver to pick her up in front of a commercial building when she suddenly heard him call her name.
Xiao Bowen was dressed in a designer suit, with a black long coat. He was accompanied by two men of similar age, looking like the male protagonist from a TV drama, radiant and rushing towards her with surprise.
"Chunchun! Is it really you?"
"Long time no see, I didn't expect to meet you here. I'm so happy, are you doing well?"
Because she had been dancing, Zhan Jingchun was wearing a casual white t-shirt, sweatpants, and sneakers, with a matching black coat, looking fashionable, young, and extremely beautiful.
Xiao Bowen was captivated by her beauty for the umpteenth time and, excited, wanted to hug her upon meeting.
"You've lost weight, but you're still beautiful. I miss you so much, God knows how much I've missed you during this time."
"I'm so happy to see you well. Chunchun, why haven't you been willing to see me? Can I still hug you?"
In the past, seeing his smiling face and hearing his passionate words would have made Zhan Jingchun ecstatic.
But now, she felt a little awkward.
However, out of politeness, she still hugged him gently.
"Hello, Xiao Bowen. Thank you for your concern, I'm fine, and I'm sorry to have worried you."
Xiao Bowen saw the distance in her words and eyes, and his mood inevitably dropped.
"You don't see me when I ask you out, but since we've met today, we have to talk before you go."
"I'm so worried about you, and I really want to know where you went and what happened during that time."
"Chunchun, give me a chance, let's sit down and talk properly, okay?"
Zhan Jingchun knew this day would come eventually. Her disappearance had been too sudden. Even if they were no longer together, she had to clarify things with him.
They went to a coffee shop. Before Xiao Bowen could ask, she calmly spoke first.
"To protect my reputation, Daddy and Mommy must not have told you the real reason for my sudden disappearance. You're a smart person, and even so, I believe you've guessed most of it."
"Indeed, Xiao Bowen, I don't want to hide it from you. I disappeared involuntarily, and some bad things happened. Imagine whatever you can; I've experienced it all."
Xiao Bowen's originally worried, refined face suddenly showed a ten-level earthquake of emotions, his expression was incredibly rich and awkward.
"Chunchun, you..."
Zhan Jingchun interrupted him, "I'm not the Zhan Jingchun I used to be, you don't need to feel embarrassed."
"The facts are as they are. Let's not talk about our past, and I don't blame you. I'm doing well now. Live your life well, and you don't need to look for me anymore."
Xiao Bowen recovered from his shock, his face full of pain and regret.
"I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that. I wouldn't break up with you over this."
"I still love you, and I love you no matter what you've been through. Chunchun, don't you trust me? You're pushing me away without even communicating?"
What was there to communicate?
The more they communicated, the more he would discover her disgrace.
Zhan Jingchun knew that agreeing to break up like this would make him seem heartless, and he would lose face, so she gave him plenty of room to back out.
"I've had a child, Xiao Bowen. As you guessed, during that time, I went to a very difficult place, met a very strange man, and experienced many things with him."
"Regardless of the process, I'm indeed not the person I used to be. It's almost like remarrying you after a divorce. Are you sure you can still accept this?"
Xiao Bowen was once again stunned by her frankness.
She had actually gone through such things?
And with another man... and even had a child?
"You..."
He couldn't help but look at her stomach, which was quite flat.
"You..."
Zhan Jingchun remained calm: "The child is gone, but it truly existed. I don't want to hide anything from you."
"Xiao Bowen, tell me, have I changed?"
Xiao Bowen's petrified reaction said it all.
He was a man from a good background, a man with high expectations for the future, and he had clear requirements for his partner.
No matter who Zhan Jingchun's daughter was, or how they were before, after experiencing those things, his subconscious had already placed her outside the threshold of being a wife.
Zhan Jingchun didn't drink his coffee. After speaking and seeing his reaction clearly, she left.
This is human nature. His reaction was not unexpected. She had no expectations of men or love anyway, and instead felt relieved.
When she returned home, looking at the messy drawings all over the room, she suddenly wanted to move out and live alone.