Chapter 938: Chapter 935: "Run Away, Don’t Run Away." (Thanks to "Shi Qi 17" Alliance Hierarch)
Su Ming’an looked at Xiao Jingsan on the chair.
The young man covered his face, his shoulders shaking, completely shedding his usual nonchalance. His pain and struggle cut through like a knife scraping flesh and bone in these few brief laughs.
The peach blossom petals on the ground seemed to have become slightly damp, wilting in on themselves. Su Ming’an shifted his gaze, looking towards the vast starry sky.
The night sky was so immense, as if it gathered the hopes of all living beings. During the festival, the people used to write blessings on Kongming Lanterns and set them free, looking like orange-red starfire. Perhaps they believed that amidst the countless star seas invisible to the naked eye, there would be a bright light of their heart. They wouldn’t know that Kongming Lanterns could never become stars, they would only fall.
Su Ming’an wondered if, during those years trapped in the palace, the Eldest Prince had ever personally set a Kongming Lantern free? Or was he so constrained by the strict palace rules that he couldn’t even see the people’s Kongming Lanterns?
Had he ever written down his own ideals? Had he ever personally left behind his own blessings?
During those days confined in the High Tower, did he ever eat Yuanxiao? Did he ever see the lanterns? Or could he only vaguely see the Capital City’s vast lights through the small window? Or could he only smell his own bloody scent and see the steam rising from cooking Yuanxiao on the layered eaves?
He might really have dreamt many times of palace maids and white foxes. Though he could only lie weakly in bed, they could hold his hand in dreams, taking the healthy him across the countryside, across fields, climbing very high mountains, leaping across wide rivers, seeing kites in the high sky and chicks and ducklings on the ground.
He wouldn’t abandon his responsibility, so in dreams, he would still be the Eldest Prince. Yet, he would be one loved by parents, not one locked away for blood, able to leave the palace to play.
There would be candied hawthorn on the street; he had never seen real candied hawthorn, so he imagined its appearance, like a sugar-coated gourd ladle. There would be people tailoring clothes in tailoring shops; he hadn’t seen them either, so he imagined the tailors to be skillful, able to make any clothes.
Behind him would be a Shadow stand-in helping to carry his bags, the Shadow stand-in harboring no malice towards him, merely protecting him along the way.
If that were the case,
...it really would be a beautiful dream.
Under the peach blossom tree, Xiao Jingsan seemed to be in this dream too. His fingers hovered over his face, not releasing.
His shoulders trembled slightly, and his fingers were shaking too.
These secrets, he originally wouldn’t have spoken of in his lifetime, only holding them in his heart until death. But seeing Su Ming’an, who went to his death actively, he seemed to see that person again, unable to suppress the words from his throat.
"Xiao Jingsan." Su Ming’an said softly.
"I have actually thought, even if none of this generation’s Royal Family are suitable to be Exotic Species King donors, I can still wait." Xiao Jingsan’s voice was hoarse:
"Clearly, I know in my heart, if I wait any longer, it is likely my life span will also end, and the chance to revive the Exotic Species King will be hard to come by again."
"Yet I still naively hope, wishing you were a bit selfish, a bit greedy, a bit focused on yourself, so that at least I can use the reason ’you are still not much alike’ to persuade myself."
"But you happened to grow into the most beautiful form. Even if I were blind, self-deceiving, wanting to let myself go, I cannot persuade myself to give up on this generation. I know very well, I can’t wait any longer, there is no one more suitable than you."
"—I must revive the Exotic Species King, this is my mission."
"—You must become a qualified monarch, this is your mission too."
"So, at that moment— I suddenly broke down realizing, we are not people who would abandon our missions for each other. You won’t become a cowardly selfish person out of fear of death, and I won’t give up on reviving the Exotic Species King because of shortsightedness."
"We...are not wrong."
Xiao Jingsan suddenly released his hands, his eyes still not shedding tears, just slightly reddened.
"No, the wrong is with me."
"Clearly, I started with the purpose of becoming your Shadow stand-in, yet I insisted on talking to you about so many stories outside the palace, insisted on teaching you swordsmanship, insisted on making you trust me... If not for these things, perhaps it would be better."
"I clearly always thought someone could replace you, yet it couldn’t be done."
"I’m sorry."
Su Ming’an remained silent.
At this moment, he suddenly understood why all these Fairies had black hair and black eyes, because they were all Exotic Species King donors that Xiao Jingsan tried to cultivate over years— if one was even more similar to the Eldest Prince, then the Eldest Prince’s Destiny could be replaced.
Xiao Jingsan constantly drew the Eldest Prince’s blood to cultivate these people. He initially imprisoned the Eldest Prince for his blood to save the Eldest Prince.
But, regrettably, Su Shaoqing was the best.
No one was more radiant, no one was better than him. No matter how they were cultivated, how guided, these imitations could not compare to someone who was naturally so beautiful.
Xiao Jingsan had been doing a futile, yet shocking thing.
He was attempting— to artificially create "The Original."
As long as someone like Su Shaoqing was created, Su Shaoqing could be freed from his destiny as a donor. But no matter what, it couldn’t be done. Therefore, more and more black-haired, black-eyed people appeared on the island, and it increasingly drove him to despair.
Some people cannot be imitated.
In the end, Xiao Jingsan could only pick up the shackles himself and cut a new wound on Su Shaoqing’s arm—this was the first wound intended for "harm" rather than "rescue".
The purpose shifted from "drawing blood to create The Original, rescuing Su Shaoqing" to "drawing blood to harm Su Shaoqing, waiting for Su Ming’an to come".
He personally strangled his own ideal of rescue, pressing the knife tip towards his own heart.
"Shaoqing, will you drink?" Xiao Jingsan lifted a cup towards Su Ming’an. Despite knowing clearly, the person in front of him was not Su Shaoqing, but the outsider Su Ming’an.
The fairies around them remained silent, not breaking his drunkenness.
Su Ming’an raised his cup but did not drink. He wanted the peach blossom brew merely to entice Xiao Jingsan to drink. Now that the goal was achieved, he knew his own limits.
"I knew you couldn’t drink." Xiao Jingsan chuckled, tilted his head back, and drank. The clear liquor flowed along his chin, soaked into the black collar, and a few drops moistened the wooden token at his waist.
The three large characters [Xiao Jingsan] are still deeply engraved on the wooden token, the ink outlining bold marks. No matter the time, he always remembered he was Xiao Jingsan, and not someone smugly taking on Su Shaoqing’s identity.
At this moment, watching Xiao Jingsan drink under the peach blossom tree, a hazy memory flashed before Su Ming’an’s eyes.
...
"Ding!"
[You have obtained Su Shaoqing’s memory (mid).]
[You have gained 50 Spirit Points from Dream Tour.]
...
Under the peach blossom tree, a black-haired little boy sat on a swing, humming a tune.
"Outside the gauze window, the ice river tinkles."
"During the first watch, iron troopers pass by my room."
"During the third watch, white birds weep in dreams,"
"During the fifth watch, bronze mirrors accompany shadows, everything belongs to you, one flower, one world, one leaf, one Bodhi."
"The mortal world floats by, blessing reaches dawn..."
Branches shook, and a large bunch of peach blossom petals fell, covering the little boy. The boy pouted and shouted towards the branches: "Your Highness, stop climbing the tree, if the nanny sees, you’ll scare her again."
The peach blossom tree moved, as if drenched in spring and wind, countless red petals fluttered down, a youth poked his head out from the branches: "Xiao Jingsan, I just wanted to see if climbing this tree could enable me to see the world beyond the palace walls."
"Your Highness, have you gone mad?" Xiao Jingsan shook his head secretly. If the Eldest Prince was so foolish, how could he serve as an Exotic Species King donor in the future. He sighed: "Your Highness, you are now at the center of the Imperial Palace, beyond these palace walls are still palace walls. Beyond the palace walls, there are still palace walls, you cannot see."
With a rustle, more peach blossoms fell, like a red carpet, almost covering Xiao Jingsan entirely.
Xiao Jingsan pushed away the petals, somewhat helpless.
Su Shaoqing jumped down: "Outside the palace walls are still palace walls..."
Xiao Jingsan replied: "Yes."
Su Shaoqing said: "Actually, I know."
Xiao Jingsan said: "Then why climb the tree. You were studying until the second hour last night, and now you’re awake before the fourth hour to read. I truly worry for you."
Su Shaoqing shook his head: "I know beyond the palace walls are palace walls. But I insist on climbing the tree to see how tall the outer palace walls really are. I must try myself to see if the outer walls might be unable to block, and if I could glimpse beyond the palace, I want to see what the moon outside looks like."
Xiao Jingsan laughed: "Not bad, please keep that thought. However, the moon outside is no different from inside the palace."
Su Shaoqing was surprised, looking at Xiao Jingsan’s face: "This time you don’t stop me from climbing the tree?"
Xiao Jingsan stood, his eyes deepened for a moment, then quickly returned to the usual smile: "What you want to do, I cannot change. Is this not just the type of person you are? However, I hope you can become better, yet hope you won’t become better."
Su Shaoqing said: "What kind of conflicting mentality is that, it should of course be the former. Even if not for me, it should be for the people."
... Becoming more and more alike.
... Also becoming more and more in line with donor requirements.
Xiao Jingsan concealed the pain in his eyes, unsure whether to feel joy or despair about this resemblance.
How fortunate are the people to have such a ruler? But he belongs scarcely to this mortal world.
But Su Shaoqing could not see the gloom; he could only see the smile on Xiao Jingsan’s face, like the morning glory in the northeast corner of the Imperial Palace.
The concubines did not like morning glories, complaining that their blooming season was too short, likening them to mayflies that live and die within a day, deeming them inauspicious. Nobody loved to see them. Only they liked to visit them. Xiao Jingsan said they were both frivolous and solemn, frivolous in ending their blooming season so swiftly, solemn in their disdain for competing with other flowers, completely disinterested in worldly desires.
"Xiao Jingsan." Crouching in front of the flower garden, Su Shaoqing spoke.
"What is it?" Xiao Jingsan had a foxtail grass between his teeth.
"If in the future I cannot leave the palace walls and fail to see the mortal world, just pour a jug of peach blossom brew at my grave, and place some sugar-coated hawthorns, so I can know what it tastes like," Su Shaoqing said.
Xiao Jingsan felt a pang in his heart but said, "That day will never come."
Su Shaoqing shook his head, "The world is unpredictable, the Royal Family is the most chaotic place. I only trust you and Sister Bailian in my heart. She is not skilled in force and fears water, making her easily bullied. If I am harmed by someone, then I would rely on you to protect her."
Xiao Jingsan fell silent.
...The ones most trusted are Bailian and him.
But he clearly understood in his heart that the one most likely to cause harm in the future was him.
It was precisely this clarity that made him increasingly tormented. It was as if thousands of ants were gnawing at his heart, and the pain seared deeper with the gentle words he heard.
Fate seemed like a venomous snake clinging to his back.
He looked at Su Shaoqing, whose eyes were clear, finally tasting the ugliness of the word "destiny." It would twist your ideals, break your spine, pierce your beliefs, grind your bones to dust, and then stand in the sunlight, arrogantly telling you — this is "destiny."
Must it be this way?
It must be this way.
"Your Highness," Xiao Jingsan suddenly said.
"Hmm?" Su Shaoqing said.
Xiao Jingsan pressed his heart, suppressing his heartbeat:
"Run away."
"Escape to a place where no one can find you. Don’t let me see you; don’t give me the chance to find you. For a lifetime."
This was the last warning.
Su Shaoqing blinked.
He twisted a petal from his shoulder into the shape of a paper airplane and threw it into Xiao Jingsan’s hair with a whoosh.
"..." Xiao Jingsan quickly pulled off the childish thing. His psychological age far surpassed Su Shaoqing, and he didn’t like such things.
Su Shaoqing twisted the petals and smiled with certainty:
"Oh Xiao Jingsan, oh Xiao Jingsan, have you forgotten what you just said?"
Xiao Jingsan was stunned: "What did I say?"
I told you to run!
While I’m still impetuous, before I change my mind, quickly leave my sight forever. Go and see the paper kites you want, see the Great Harmony you wish for!
"You said—"
Under the peach blossom tree, the black-haired boy curved his eyes and brows, his small body bearing a burden far greater than himself.
It seemed as though the vastness of the world condensed in his small heart, never regretting, never forgetting.
"Even outside these palace walls, they are still palace walls."
The boy twisted a petal:
"Even outside this peach blossom tree, it is still a peach blossom tree. I can never escape."
"Moreover, I don’t want to escape. If I leave, when I truly see the misfortune of those little children selling sugar hawthorns, those old ladies making paper kites, and those young girls sewing clothes, I would be powerless. That is what makes me most desperate."
"If there are no shackles to bind oneself, always choosing desire, a person is no longer human."
"So."
The boy smiled:
"Let it be."
"I will strive to live until the day Great Harmony is realized."
"You too should strive to protect me until we see that day. When people live and work in peace and contentment, every household can afford to buy sugar hawthorns, can afford new clothes."
"Alright? Xiao Jingsan."
Su Shaoqing awaited his answer.
"..."
At this moment, staring into those eyes reflecting all living beings, Xiao Jingsan seemed to hear the lament in his soul.
Like the wailing of a whale in the deep sea, it sank into the vast ocean, plunged into the dark seabed, unheard by anyone. He tried to cry for help, but could not speak, tried to howl, but seawater filled his throat.
—Run away, don’t run away, run away, don’t run away, run away, don’t run away.
Please, please, please.
These words echoed in his mouth like branding irons, yet in the end, he couldn’t call out a single word.
He took the peach blossom petal into his mouth, as if drinking a bowl of peach blossom brew. It tasted bitter, without fragrance.
"Alright."
He did not know how he said this word, only that it didn’t sound human, like a demon howling.
Deceit, lies, betrayal, ugliness to the extreme.
Kindness, compassion, mercy, beauty to the extreme.
Such a stark contrast between them, and yet they stood together, ultimately with darkness usurping all that was bright.
He thought,
If only their positions could be swapped, that would be a conclusion in accordance with the mortal world’s right path.
Unfortunately,
Fate is not in one’s hands, hesitating at every move.
While everyone’s life may have a beginning and an end, Su Shaoqing’s life could see its future and endpoint at a glance.
They had something they couldn’t give up even in death.
Thus, neither could escape this fate.
In the end, Xiao Jingsan silently pushed open the door, holding a copper basin and iron chain as he came. At that moment, the grown-up Su Shaoqing needed no words; he looked at the Eldest Prince’s waist token on Xiao Jingsan’s belt, then at the height outside the window, suddenly realizing the future.
Xiao Jingsan watched as the light in Su Shaoqing’s eyes dimmed, leaving only the sprout of a starfire. He silently walked to the bedside, fastening the iron chain like a living corpse, and took out a knife.
"Say something," Xiao Jingsan said.
"..."
"Your Highness," Xiao Jingsan gradually adopted a pleading expression.
"..."
However, the Eldest Prince leaned against the wall, saying nothing.
The candlelight from the copper lamp cast shadows on the wall, like a thread about to snap. There was nothing in his eyes.
The starry sky outside the window was obscured by thick clouds, overwhelming, oppressive, a darkness with no end in sight.
No stars, no moon.
Only the sound of fine, flowing blood.
The ideals and promises of youth felt like a ridiculous and distant dream, the longing for a prosperous era and freedom more like a whimsical dream within a dream,
and now, the one who believed in dreams had died forever.
...