Chapter 141: The confessions
Kael
I walked through the doors of our headquarters, but today it felt different. It felt like I was a stranger returning to a place I once knew, but somehow it had grown distant from me.
I walked through the long corridor, filled with agents and administrative personnel going about their daily routines. However, as they all spotted me heading toward the elevator bank, everyone paused mid-conversation and whatever they were doing.
I could feel their eyes following me as though I were a ghost that returned from death. I couldn’t blame them. The last time anyone here had seen me, I’d been their star operative. The best fighter, I was called cold and ruthless.
Now, I looked like exactly what I was: a man who’d been slowly dying from the inside out for the past several weeks. Since Charis’s so-called death, I’d been nothing but a shell.
Their whispers trailed after me as I walked by.
He’s finally back.
Thought he quit.
Is he alright? Look how he looks.
I kept my eyes forward, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.
The truth was, Charis’s death had shattered me in ways I couldn’t explain. The bond I thought I could control, the feelings I kept chained in the shadows. It was as if the air was sucked out of my lungs. I blamed myself for everything. For not being there for her when she needed me.
And when I watched the coffin lowered into the ground, when I saw Rhett fall apart, and Slater standing quietly, sobbing. I told myself, ’This is your punishment.’ You killed her. You killed what she could have been.’
But then Slater said she was alive.
The news felt like a breath of fresh air since the godawful trial. Charis is alive.
The guilt I felt every night had lessened. The picture from the day of the trial, where I’d voted against her, still tortured me. I couldn’t let go of the way she’d looked when her eyes had found mine across the courtroom.
The way she stared at me in disbelief when I picked the side that wasn’t hers. I’d convinced myself it was for the greater good. But lying awake at three in the morning, staring at the ceiling and feeling the hollow ache, I knew the truth.
I’d chosen something else over my mate.
But that wasn’t all. The nightmares had started almost immediately after the funeral. It was always the same stone tunnels stretching endlessly underground with the sound of chains rattling in the darkness and a woman’s voice calling for help.
As soon as I see the woman, she lifts her head to look at me with her lips silently forming the words ’help me’. I’d wake up gasping with my sheets soaked with sweat.
The dreams felt too real to dismiss, but I could never remember the woman’s face clearly enough to identify her. Now, with the possibility that Charis might still be alive somewhere, those dreams felt even more vivid.
Was the woman Charis? No... the voice had sounded nothing like her. Her hair had been darker, darker than Charis’s blonde, but on second thought, it could still be the real colour of her hair.
Didn’t she change her appearance before she came to Ravenshore?
I pushed the thought down until I arrived at my Master’s office.
I knocked once before opening the door and entering without waiting for permission, a liberty I’d earned through years of flawless service. My Master was behind his desk, speaking into his phone.
As soon as his gaze found me, his eyes widened in surprise. He held up one finger, indicating I should wait.
"Yes, I understand the timeline is critical," he was saying into the phone. "But these things require delicate handling. We can’t afford any more... complications." A pause. "I’ll call you back within the hour. We’ll have a solution by then."
He hung up and leaned back in his leather chair, studying me as though I were a complex puzzle he was trying to solve.
"Back from your sabbatical?" he asked quietly.
His voice was filled with accusation. But I didn’t have time for sentiments, so I went straight to the point.
"Charis is still alive."
If I’d expected shock or surprise, I was disappointed. His brows rose slightly, but otherwise, his expression didn’t change.
"And you know this how?"
"Slater Riggs—who we’ve been watching- wasn’t just chasing shadows. He’s been searching for his missing sister. She was a former Ebonvale Student who was forced to get pregnant three times for the Academy before she ran away during a transport. His sister Riley, according to Slater, is still alive but living in a human village under an assumed identity. She could be a key witness to bringing Ravenshore and Ebonvale down."
My Master didn’t respond, just continued staring at me with that unreadable expression that made me uncomfortable.
"How is Charis still alive?" he asked finally.
"Because the body wasn’t hers. Slater was once her mate and said there was a butterfly mark on the heel of her left foot, but there was none. Plus, the corpse presented at the morgue," my throat tightened. "The corpse was male. Not just Eamon Riggs’s disguise. Anatomically male. That wasn’t her."
From my coat pocket, I pulled out my phone and slid it across the desk. On the screen were screenshots of the documents Slater had shown us.
"Here," I said, handing him the phone. "See for yourself."
He took the phone and studied the images. His face revealed nothing as he scrolled through page after page of evidence, but I could see his mind working, probably processing the implications and calculating responses.
After several long minutes, he looked up and met my gaze directly.
"What do you want now?"
"I need to find her," I said without hesitation. "And I need resources to do it. Access to surveillance networks, tracking capabilities, and field operatives if necessary."
He stared at me for what felt like an eternity, his expression shifting through several different expressions before settling on something that might have been resignation.
Finally, he shook his head slowly.
"If you ever find that girl," he said quietly, "she would be your ruin."
The words didn’t surprise me, partly because they were true. Charis had already compromised my objectivity. She had already made me question loyalties I’d never doubted before. Finding her and confirming she was alive would only make that worse. She would always be my weakness, my blind spot, the one thing that could make me act irrationally.
My mission from the onset was to find Richard Winters, the missing son of Alpha Henry Winters, and after that, I’ll be done, but since Charis came into my life, I’ve made no progress. I’ve been busy, but all the things I’ve been busy with had nothing to do with my task.
If I weren’t running after Charis, it would be the boys.
"I know," I admitted quietly.
He raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting such ready acknowledgement.
"But I don’t plan on ever pursuing our mate bond again," I continued, the words tasting like ash in my mouth even as I spoke them. "If she can be found, if she’s really alive, we could reject each other officially. Complete the severance properly this time. Then I would be free."
The lie came smoothly, practised from the weeks I’d spent telling it to myself in the mirror. The truth was more complicated, more desperate: I would rather have her alive and lost to me forever than dead because of my choices. I would rather spend the rest of my life knowing she was out there, happy and safe and free, than continue carrying the weight of believing I’d caused her death.
My Master studied me for another long moment, and I could see him weighing risks and benefits, calculating whether helping me find Charis served the organisation’s interests or threatened them.
"The mate bond," he said eventually, "is not something that can be easily dismissed, even with official rejection. You know this."
I nodded. "I also know that right now, the bond is incomplete. Severed but not properly sealed. It’s... manageable. Painful, but manageable. A clean rejection would end that limbo state."
"And you believe you could walk away from her after finding her? Just like that?"
The question hung in the air between us like a challenge. Could I? Could I look into those beautiful eyes that had haunted my dreams, see her alive and breathing and whole, and then turn around and walk away forever?
"I have to," I said simply. "Because the alternative is watching this organisation tear itself apart trying to manage my divided loyalties. And that serves no one."
He was quiet for another long moment, his fingers steepled in front of him as he considered. Finally, he reached for a secure phone on his desk.
"I’m going to make some calls," he said. "See what resources we can mobilise quietly. But Kael?" He waited until I met his eyes. "This is the last time. Whatever happens with this girl, whatever closure you find or don’t find, it ends here. Are we clear?"
I nodded, relief flooding through me so much that I had to grip the arms of my chair to keep from falling forward.
"Crystal clear."
As I left his office and made my way back through the corridors of the organisation that had shaped me since I arrived, I allowed myself the first real hope I’d felt in weeks.
Charis was alive.
And soon, I was going to find her.