Chapter 43: Suicide (1)
’I want to die.’
I could only watch helplessly as my body was taken over and was being constantly beaten up whilst making expressions I never thought were possible.
The pain I was constantly feeling was far worse than being run over by twenty trucks at the same time.
I wanted to call out to Kurt and tell him that I had no control of my body, but the only thing I heard come out from my mouth were horrifying sounds of laughter and shrilling screams.
’Hello, Clarkkkkk.’
A familiar voice rang inside my head, far clearer and horrifying as it spoke, "Are you enjoying the showww?"
As his words trailed off, a massive hammer loomed into view, its iron head gleaming with malevolent intent. My body slammed against the hard surface, bones cracking beneath the impact.
Agony exploded through every nerve, a cacophony of pain that threatened to consume me whole.
I screamed, the sound tearing from my throat like a living thing.
’AAHHHHHH!!!!’
My vision blurred, darkness creeping in at the edges, but my body refused to surrender, trapped in a living nightmare of pain and terror.
’MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE!!’ I begged profusely as I was forced to watch large rocks crash on my body with devastating force.
’Why are you doing this?! What do you want from me?!’.
’Hiekekeke, now you ask the important questions.’
With a hoarse voice, it responded, "I sensed an extremely pure level of divinity around you before, but now it’s like it has vanished."
My body was filled with immeasurable pain; every fiber of my being wanted me to end my life so as to release myself from this unwarranted torture, but the words that came out of that unforgiving being’s mouth brought back a gleam of a surviving chance.
’You want to know where the divinity came from, don’t you?’. I asked.
A wild and unnerving cackle rang in my head as it continually attacked Kurt with my body. ’I know you won’t tell me...so I’m going to destroy you continuously till you have no choice but to tell me!!’.
’N—no, please NO!!’.
As Kurt’s face slowly increased due to the distance at which I was speeding towards him, I could see the determination and sadness in his eyes as he raised his hammer.
’Please...don’t do this.’
I lost consciousness; everything was pitch black, the pain was gone, and the horrifying sounds in my head disappeared. I was finally free.
Or so I thought.
’The show isn’t over yet...Kekeke.’
The voice returned, and I gradually regained my blurry vision alongside the inhuman level of pain.
’It hurts...it hurts so much...what did I ever do to deserve this...WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE ANY OF THIS?!!!’.
The twisted and amused laughter travelled through the entirety of my being whilst I was forced to feel the painful reconnection and alignment of my destroyed bones and organs.
’I’ll tell you everything I know!! I promise! Everything!!!’.
I screamed hysterically before he forced me to stand up and face the excruciating pain that was still fresh in my mind once more.
’That wasn’t so hard, now was it?’. It spoke, ’Now tell me everything you know concerning that divinity.’
Staring intensely at my position to make sure I wasn’t moving, I spoke hurriedly, "I—I was re⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛, then I made my way here. I and ⬛⬛ must’ve caused the influx of ⬛. I’m not sure, but ⬛⬛ is her mother. What else? Yes—"
’Are you playing with me, boy?’.
The voice interrupted with a voice devoid of the manic laughter from before. No. What I heard was far too cold and emotionless to be described with human standards.
Despite not being in control of my body, I could feel it being drenched in cold sweat as it spoke.
’It would seem your loyalty does not care for your life; you swore an oath not to reveal their existence. Didn’t you?’.
I tried to speak, but no words came out immediately. I remembered the promise I made to Laura when we first met.
’Would ⬛⬛ tell anyone my secrets if she passed through what I did?’. I thought.
I belatedly realized that it was the biggest mistake I would ever make.
’You seem to forget that I’m in your mindddd.’ Its outstretched laughter started once more as my body slowly stood up.
’No, no, no, no, please, I’ve tried to tell you! It’s not my fault!’. I pleaded.
The voice didn’t respond, and I was forced to watch as Kurt’s hammer continually made brutal contact with every part of my body.
My ribs had shattered more times than I could count, my brain matter and flesh couldn’t be differentiated anymore, and every nerve in my body served to transfer pain continuously. To forcefully show me that the sweet relief of death would never be mine to have.
I grew tired of screaming; I grew tired of pleading. With every brutal swing of the hammer from the man I called my uncle, I lost a shred of my humanity.
Death was no longer something to avoid. Life was no longer something to live. Pain was no longer something to fear. Peace... peace sounded more like a myth than a feeling.
"JUST DIE!!"
And as if fate was playing a cruel joke on me, Kurt’s deeply aggrieved voice—alongside his glowing red hammer—travelled to my head.
For what felt like the hundredth time, my skull splintered beneath the impact. Any fleeting sense of relief I might’ve felt at slipping into that pitch-black void evaporated, leaving only the hollow throb of pain and the weight of silence pressing in.
’What purpose does all this pain serve?’. I wondered, ’I’m not going to be some strong hero after all this, nor am I going to be a villain that would wreak havoc on people who didn’t deserve it.’
’No. Outside this cruel reality, the only hand left to hold is death’s’.
’Hihihihi, it would seem I’ve caused you irreparable damage. I apologize; I get riled up when things don’t go my way. You understand, riiiight?’. Its voice is stretched out unnaturally.
Rather than being filled with dread at what was to come, I felt...hope. I hoped that the next blow to my head or the next bone that punctures my heart would put me out of my misery.
But alas, even that dream would never be fulfilled.
’Although it was fun playing with you, I have things to report to my master. Don’t have too much fun without me~. See you around~.’.
As the voice gradually drowned out, I could gradually feel the sensations of my body come back to me.
The pain I felt moments ago was no longer present. Or maybe it was, but my body could no longer register such a level of pain anymore.
I could have regained consciousness anytime I pleased, but what was the need to go back into another harsh reality where I have to face the person who continually killed me and the people responsible for this whole event?.
I’d rather stay in this pitch-black void for the rest of my life if it were possible, but deep down, I also knew that would never come true.
Kurt’s POV:
The air was unnaturally still as the onlookers stared dazedly at the bloodied man who carried a younger boy in his hands with an unreadable expression.
"Master Kurt, you didn’t kill him?!" Matthew exclaimed in anger as he watched him calmly walk out of the stadium.
"To think either of them survived..." Rimezda and the twins muttered at the same time.
Looking at each other and then at the broad back of Kurt, they were at a loss at what to do.
"S—should we go after them?" Rimezda asked.
"Stop acting so foolish for once in your life." Matthew barked in response.
Rimezda’s body shook in surprise as she took a step back with a timid expression, "I’m sorry, brother."
The crowd quickly left the dome and headed to their respective homes with different thoughts swirling in their heads.
"The three of you are coming with me to see the patriarch. Do you understand?" Matthew ordered.
"Yes..." They responded timidly.
"I SAID, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" He exclaimed with a vein on his head.
"Yes!!" They replied with fear clouding their expressions.
"Good, now you two should head in home, escort Rimezda to the main house, and make your way from there. I have something to take care of."
The trio exchanged glances and hurriedly left the stadium, leaving only Matthew and his dangerous thoughts in the damaged place.
.....
I could feel my body being placed on a soft bed with occasional mumblings from two people who sat close to me.
"He suffered from soul dissonance." A man spoke.
"What?!" A more feminine voice exclaimed in shock.
"But I’m sure there’s something more to it than just that." He continued. "Something took the opportunity to have control over his body while he was in that state. Something far more dangerous, almost...archaic.
"..."
There was no other response for a long time before the silence was broken by the female, "What are you going to do, Kurt?"
Kurt was silent for a moment before answering, "The kid calls me Uncle; Victoria, what am I supposed to do, abandon him when he needs our help the most?"
A soft hand patted my hair lovingly as she spoke, "He does look an awful lot like Densdor."
"He isn’t a replacement for Densdor; I’m not that lonely and heartless to ignore the effort he’s putting into his studies to get a replacement."
"Not that he can even be replaced." Kurt added.
A small, soothing laugh escaped from Victoria’s lips as she leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"He’s Clark Thompson...what a strange name...fufufu."
The scent of roses lingered in the air as she stood up. "When he wakes up, let’s not ask him any triggering questions for now." She suggested.
Kurt hummed in response and followed Victoria out the door. "Let’s go make dinner. Hopefully he likes Myrnavian meat and Phoenix feather broth." Victoria suggested.
The soft click from the door told me that they had left the room, and I opened my eyes slowly.
"Shit." I hissed as the intense sunlight assaulted my eyes that had been accustomed to darkness for a while.
Sitting up with a blank expression, my eyes travelled round the room to make sure I was in the right place.
"I’m still alive...hahahaha."
Clutching my forehead with my hands, I laughed lowly as the reality set in.
"Why...why...why didn’t he just kill me and put me out of my misery?...Just why?"
Out of the corner of my eye, a glimmer caught my attention as I mumbled absentmindedly.
Snapping my head in its direction, I caught sight of a silver sword hanging on the wall, a red gem set into its hilt. Almost hypnotically, I rose to my feet, stepped forward, and slowly lifted the sword from its resting place.
Staring at the sword with hollow eyes, I pressed the tip of my finger firmly against the blade. A soft, continuous dripping sound reached my ears as it made contact.
’It’s sharp.’ I thought, ’It would be a quick, painless death...I’ll be free from this shitty reality.’
A relieved, almost fragile smile tugged at my lips as I gripped the hilt of the sword. With my eyes closed, I slowly lifted the blade, pressing its cold steel tip against my chest, feeling the weight of every choice, every regret, every heartbeat in that single moment.
"I’m sorry Laura, I’m not strong enough". I muttered as a single tear ran down my face.
Applying force on the hilt, I felt the blade slowly penetrating my chest as my shirt slowly dyed red in blood.
The loud crash of the door froze me mid-motion. I whipped my head around to see who or what it was.
Before I could make out the person’s face through my blurry vision, the figure lunged forward with a speed that defied his size and snatched the sword from my hands.
"What the hell do you think you’re doing?!, huh?!". He yelled
With eyes drained of all warmth and hope, I spoke in a flat, hollow voice, "Give me the sword, Uncle Kurt."
"I asked what you were planning to do". Kurt repeated.
"...."
I remained silent, stretching out my hands toward the sword, feeling the weight of every second that passed.
"...L–let me show you," I stammered, forcing a crooked smile as he yanked the sword just out of my reach, the helplessness curling in my chest like ice.
Kurt’s expression was unbearable to look at, yet the desperate need for relief overpowered any sympathy I had for him.
"Kid....". Kurt called out weakly as he stared at my trembling outstretched hands.
Before he could continue, a feminine voice laced with shock and fear called out.
"What’s going on here?!".
Stepping into the room, Victoria flung the spoon she held to the floor and yanked me back from where I stood, away from Kurt and the sword in his hands.
"Someone please explain what’s going on here!!".