Chapter 62: Endless Torment
Clark’s POV:
’Is Densdor depriving me of my death? Did I say I wanted to be saved? Who does he think he is to act like a hero at my expense?!’
The anger that had always fizzled out before it grew, burned hotter than ever. The anger masked the intense pain I was feeling, and my body surged with life.
...Or at least that’s what I hoped would happen.
But apart from the burning anger, nothing else changed.
My legs were barely functional, my arms were nonexistent, my head felt bare, and my innards were only being supported by mana supplied by [Desperation], and even that would eventually deactivate when the time came.
The anger I fought so hard to fester in my heart slowly fizzled out just like a flame exposed to the wind.
My heartbeat was little more than silence pretending to exist, and frustration gradually piled on it.
Frustration that I couldn’t even get myself killed without being saved at the last minute by some force or my involuntary survival instincts.
Frustration at my weak mind for always seeking death at every turn.
Frustration for not being able to control the things that would happen to me.
Yet, even that frustration fizzled out too. Just like every other emotion I had desperately tried to hold on to.
’Why bother? Why bother becoming normal again? I’ve already killed more than fifty civilians with that attack and yet I feel nothing, so what’s the point of finding a way to become the Cla—....What’s the point of becoming the Handel of before?’
My thoughts concluded at this point, and as if the grip that had been holding my consciousness slipped, the corners of my eyes darkened, and the physical pain that had become intimate with me slowly dissipated as they reached the border of unconsciousness.
’I hope the doors of unconsciousness will hold you back a little longer, my dear friends.’
.....
I didn’t know how long had passed, but I didn’t expect the first thing I would feel was a thick and bitter liquid being forcefully fed down my throat.
I slowly regained my vision, and the disturbing sounds of the knitting of my eardrums could have sent shivers down my spine if it was still completely functional.
"Mhm! Now you’re going to be alive till the elven healers come!"
Densdor’s cheerful voice rang in my ears and besides the fact that he was acting like he wasn’t talking to a near dead man with a gleeful expression, the scent of charred flesh that assaulted my nostrils immediately it regained life nearly caused me to puke.
’Is my body producing this awful stench? And why is Densdor acting like I’m not basically a corpse?’
The pain that assaulted every fiber of my being receded just enough for me not to lose consciousness once more and I finally had enough strength to move my eyeballs around.
’Ah, i’m back to the place I resent yet appreciate. How ironic’
"Can you hear me?" Densdor’s voice sounded, "If you can, could you twitch your fingers?"
’.....’
"Oh, right, you don’t have one..."
’.....What is wrong with this man?’
Trying not to focus too much on Densdor, I tried getting accustomed to my ears by listening to the loud voices that echoed throughout the living room.
’.....To think they still care for me despite all that happened. I wish I could be happy about that.’
A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts and I moved my eyeballs to focus on it.
I wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was the right thing, but what I managed to glimpse from the partly opened door was....a shadow?
’Since when did shadows have life of their own? Did he escape from his owner? Or is this a normal thing in this world?’
’Miriam’s memories didn’t cover any of this, or maybe it did, but the memory fragmentation must’ve destroyed more than I knew about.’
Not focusing on such thoughts anymore, I closed my eyes to heighten my sense of hearing.
"I can’t say much for now—mostly because I wasn’t told anything myself. I was only instructed to ask anyone living from Ashford Lane through Vossier to Brindlebrook if they happened to see a heavily injured man, or anyone assisting him. These are just formalities"
The distorted voice rattled my brain and I would’ve jolted up if I had the enablement to do so.
’Am I in trouble? Again? Haa...they’re too many restrictions to fight here. I can’t even imagine the amount of people that are on the lookout for a potential S–ranked threat.’
My mind raced with plans on how to escape if things went awry with the shadowy figure, but they all entailed some sort of movement to be able to work.
All of a sudden, I felt a formless figure hovering above me, it’s darkness slowly enshrouding my being, it’s distorted voice filled my ears, but I couldn’t make anything out of it— probably because my dormant system interface finally came back to life.
And the notifications it displayed didn’t bring any form of comfort to me.
********
[Ding!]
[Congratulations to the host for surviving against the odds!]
[The rewards for destroying the fragment of a world–altering event shall be updated shortly!]
[Error!]
[The backlash from the overuse of Rank Ascension shall be dulled using the allocated rewards]
[The decision is not up to the host]
[Backlash amassed from Rank Ascension shall be reduced by 40% due to the potency of the reward.]
[Backlash will be released on the host in 2:50]
Remark: ....This isn’t my doing.
********
’.....Does this mean that the pain that’s coursing through every fiber of my being isn’t that of Rank Ascension?’
*******
[Ding!]
[The host has asked a plausible question]
[No points shall be deducted for the query]
[Y/N]
*********
’....Yes’
********
[Ding!]
[The sensation the host is experiencing is as a result of the explosive power he harnessed recently, coupled with the unconverted force amassed during the use of Killer’s Calm.]
[0 points has been deducted from the host for this query]
[Remaining points: 450]
Remark: .....
**********
’Wow.....just wow. So I stopped a world altering event and my only reward is pain? Is this some kind of joke?’
The heaviness from the shadow had long gone and Densdor was speaking to Kurt and Victoria, but I had no interest in what they were talking about, the effects of the potion were wearing off and the suppressed pain reared their heads once more.
’Is this what Victoria meant by what she told me back then?’
My mind went back to the words Victoria said to me— which were more like a death sentence than a prophecy.
’Was it ’The path I walk isn’t that of a main character’ or something? Well, I never considered myself to be one, but at least soften the blow of what is going to come.’
I didn’t know who I was pleading to; maybe it was Laura, Laura’s mother—Castilla or even a higher being, but the desperation that came with every tick of the timer didn’t let me think straight.
’Laura....can’t you help me out here? At least just tell me one of your jokes or teasing remarks. Just that is enough...please’
There was no response— not like I had expected any to begin with, but I was still clinging to the hope that Laura was somewhere watching me and would swoop in and stop the devastating occurrence that was about to happen to me.
******
[Ding!]
*******
’Laura?!’
********
[The 10 second count down to the release of Rank Ascension backlash, shall begin now]
********
’...How cruel’
******
[10]
******
’Maybe if I had let them take Miriam, I would’ve avoided all of this’
*******
[9]
*******
’I mean, Oliver would’ve probably razed the whole city to the ground in order to find her and annihilate the kidnappers and he wouldn’t be hunted down like a fugitive either’
********
[8]
*******
’I’m also sure she would’ve had guards around her at all times— maybe even that shadowy thing would be watching her every move and protecting her away from the eyes of people’
******
[7]
******
’I really wish all of this would end, but when has the world ever listened to my pleas?’
*******
[6]
*******
’I can’t live in peace and I can’t die in peace
either.’
*******
[5]
*******
’Is this burden only mine to carry? Shouldn’t I have some sort of support system at the very least?’
*******
[4]
*******
’Don’t I deserve a moment— just a moment of peace? A moment of happiness? Just a little peace of mind so I can laugh? Make friends, join a party and hunt monsters like all other fantasy stories?’
********
[3]
*******
’Is this really my fate? To go through the most tormenting situations and not be given the sweet release of death?’
*******
[2]
*******
’This isn’t fair’
********
[1]
********
’IT’S NOT FUCKIN FAIR!!’
*******
[May the blessings of God be with you.]
*******
Everywhere went silent at first and I thought I had been pardoned, but it eventually all came crashing down.
’I’m in so much pain....make it stop...make it stop.....make it stop...MAKE IT STOP!’
Every fiber of my being screamed in agony, my brain felt like it wanted to escape from the confines of my skull so as to stop processing what it was being subject to.
My eardrums rang loudly even though there were no sounds.
The veins all over my body swole to somehow alleviate the torment they were forced to bear.
I had been through alot in my short time here and pain was a most common sensation, I could proudly say I had known pain in dimensions no one else had, but this— this wasn’t pain.
This was something far more ruthless and uglier than pain.
What embraced my body was something that would make you want to find any means to get rid of it.
This wasn’t pain, I don’t think torment would even begin to explain what I was feeling, but all I knew was I had to end my life.
Fuck the prophecies, Fuck being cold and ruthless, Fuck the peace of mind and friends, To hell with romantic relationships, the tournament be damned, all I wanted was to run into the warm embrace of death.
So I strained my vocal cords. I used every ounce of willpower I had, to call out to anyone, anybody who would have the guts to end my life without a thought.
And a voice so dry and unrecognizable sounded in my ears, but the words that followed were all I could ever ask for.
"....Kill me."