Chapter 116: Chapter 69 Mother and Child_3
It was he who killed his mother!
The scholar buried his face in his hands, tears dripping through his fingers, the sound of his weeping tinged with regret, touching those beside him.
Lu Tong raised his head, looking at the distant sky.
Commoners are always like this, when something happens, they blame themselves, regret, and always search for the cause within. They wish they could take on all the faults in the world upon themselves.
Were his father and mother the same?
When they heard of Lu Rou’s death, of Lu Qian being imprisoned, did they too toss and turn with self-blame for not protecting their children, like Wu Youcai, who couldn’t let go? Did they feel heart-wrenching pain? Did they cry?
Flames licked the yellow paper, illuminating the dim spirit hall.
Lu Tong lowered her gaze to the sobbing man, and after a long while, she said, "Wu Youcai, it’s been twelve years since your first time stepping into the examination hall at eighteen."
"Twelve years, have you never wondered why you have never passed once?"
The crying ceased abruptly.
The scholar raised his head, his face streaked with tears, and he asked blankly, unconsciously, "What?"
"If you really were mediocre, why would you persist in taking the exams for twelve whole years? Is it because you believe in your own writings, certain that they can secure you a place on the honor roll and bring you fame throughout the land?"
She withdrew a folded piece of paper from her sleeve and placed it before Scholar Wu.
The scholar looked at the paper before him and murmured, "What is this?"
"Since your first examination, this is the list of successful examinees from the autumn examinations in Shengjing. Those encircled are well-known profligates of Shengjing," Lu Tong said. "These people, you only need to make minor inquiries to know their shallowness in learning. Why can they pass, but not you?"
Wu Youcai looked at her, repeating unconsciously, "Why?"
"Because of luck." She curved her eyes slightly, "Do you believe that?"
As if a bright light flashed through his mind, Wu Youcai vaguely guessed something, yet he dared not voice it, simply staring at the person before him.
"There are many possibilities," she said, her tone still indifferent. "For instance, they may have bribed the Ministry of Rites Grading Officers, tampering with the rankings. Or they might have bribed the chief examiners, having others take the exam in their place. Perhaps your examination papers were swapped with someone else’s, and thus your ranking naturally became someone else’s."
"You only have your writings and knowledge, but no silver or connections. Master Wu, with just these things, how can you compete for fairness?"
"Boom—"
Another roar of thunder exploded, and the chill wind mournfully howled through the door, as if trying to penetrate his heart.
Wu Youcai shook his head: "Impossible... this can’t be possible..."
"Why not?" Lu Tong smiled, "Think carefully, are the articles you’ve written these years really so terrible?"
Like a muffled thunderclap on the face, Wu Youcai was rendered speechless.
If he did not have confidence in himself, why would he have persisted for twelve years? He was not a stubborn man, resistant to change; if truly he saw no hope, he would have sought other ways to make a living—there are many ways to live in this world, and he was not someone who had to follow a single path to a bitter end.
He just couldn’t accept it.
His scholarly friends all praised his writings as unparalleled in brilliance, and he believed the same. Twelve years passed, changing him from a spirited youth to a mediocre middle-aged man. Year after year, securing a place on the honor roll remained but a distant dream.
The looks from neighbors shifted from envy to mockery and disdain, perhaps pity as well. He could not evade those expectant gazes, asking himself every night whether he genuinely possessed talent. Could he ever achieve that day of success?
But today, someone told him that his unattainable aspiration over the years was due to someone taking away "fairness."
"If it’s true," the scholar murmured, his eyes blazing with fire as though consumed, "I will accuse them. Such fraudulent activities are heinous crimes; surely the Ministry of Rites would conduct a thorough investigation—"
"Who would believe you?"
"The Imperial Court will investigate!"
"The Imperial Court itself is part of it, do you expect them to investigate themselves?" Lu Tong’s words were laced with sarcasm, "I fear that the moment you report this to the Imperial Court, you wouldn’t be able to walk out their doors on your own."
Her voice was soft, yet it made Wu Youcai’s heart sink completely.
What Lu Tong said was highly likely.
Over the years, he hadn’t been without his doubts, but whenever they arose, like a taboo, he dared not think further. It felt as if thinking on would lead to an abyss with no bottom, yet today someone unabashedly ripped open this barely concealed facade for him to see, this unbearable, naked truth.
With a mind in chaotic turmoil, Wu Youcai looked at Lu Tong and asked hoarsely, "Why are you telling me all this?"