Chapter 443: Chapter 436: Unable to Get Close, Yet Unable to Blame
When describing things, change the narrative style of matters closely related to oneself, using objective, written, and story-like language.
The greatest effect is to reduce one’s own [emotional involvement].
And what is the purpose of [emotional involvement]?
On one hand, it’s to avoid exposing one’s true feelings.
On the other hand, there may also be a hope that others can evaluate one’s narrative.
If possible — hopefully, the evaluation is the same as one’s deepest inner thoughts.
Say the words that one couldn’t express, obtaining a “mouthpiece.”
This type of narrative style appears frequently in Lin Xi’s narrative.
Nan Zhubin said, “It’s like you only provided a perspective, allowing me to see another person. So my question is — you are not actually an observer, you are an experiencer of the story you tell.”
“So in this story, where is the real ‘you’?”
Nan Zhubin looked into the visitor’s eyes: “Or rather, where are ‘your feelings’?”
The visitor blinked, remained silent for a while, seemingly digesting Nan Zhubin’s words.
After a while, she smiled, “What kind of feeling?”
She straightened her back, sitting upright. Although she hadn’t used much makeup or jewelry, this smile still appeared quite graceful.
But this wasn’t the reaction Nan Zhubin wanted.
He didn’t follow up on the visitor’s words, instead taking a detour to continue attempting [confrontation].
“You said today that you were ‘feeling terribly uncomfortable,’ so you came for psychological consultation. This implies you have a clear cognition of your feelings.”
“Yet, in your narrative from the beginning of the consultation until now, your main character has always been your mother.”
“It seems that for you — your subconscious believes that your mother is the reason for today’s consultation.”
“Your mother, is the one that makes you ‘feel unbearably uncomfortable’ —” Nan Zhubin used a rather severe term, “— the culprit?”
This wasn’t “a mouthpiece” by Nan Zhubin; he was also narrating objectively.
This summarized and articulated the information behind the other’s subconscious actions.
This is not just a [confrontation] between Nan Zhubin and the visitor but also a [confrontation] between the visitor and her subconscious.
Hearing Nan Zhubin’s words,
The visitor maintained a correct sitting posture.
But unconsciously leaned forward a bit.
The hands crossed on her lap finally rose up, gently shaking slightly, as if explaining something, or perhaps stating something:
“It can’t be said like that, Teacher Nan.”
“My mother works very hard. Back then, she really ‘pulled’ me up on her own. Working and such was difficult. Now she is also alone, and only I can accompany her…”
Nan Zhubin quietly waited for the visitor to finish her words.
After she finished, looking into her eyes, he quietly uttered three words: “— ‘I feel’.”
“…What?”
The visitor seemed unable to comprehend these sudden three words.
Nan Zhubin said, “If possible, I hope your upcoming words can start with the three words ‘I feel’.”
The visitor blinked.
…
It had been said before, Nan Zhubin sensed that Lin Xi, this visitor, also had [avoidant] traits similar to Nan Zhihao.
But their manifestations are obviously different.
Lin Xi also restrained her emotions and concealed some deep-seated issues, temporarily only displaying superficial things in front of Nan Zhubin.
Thus, Nan Zhubin also needed to employ a large amount of [confrontation].
But Lin Xi’s [avoidant] trait clearly manifests mainly in incidents and narratives regarding her mother.
And for Lin Xi, her [avoidant] trait is evidently not the main problem.
Her personality traits obviously differ greatly from those of Nan Zhihao.
Hence, even though Nan Zhubin decided to employ the principles of the [Psychoanalytic School] for intervention at the moment, he could be slightly more [humanistic].
Especially after hearing Lin Xi’s narrative of her life and the related personality traits she exhibited in social relationships.
Nan Zhubin first tried to [support] a little: “In psychological consultation, a lot of attention is paid to events happening around the visitor — that is, you — because the formation of a person’s traits is necessarily inseparable from life.”
“In life, nothing happens by chance.”
Then Nan Zhubin shifted his focus, “But what we pay more attention to is the visitor’s feelings, your feelings.”
Using the replacement of personal pronouns, Nan Zhubin gradually closed the distance.
“Especially when we are already sitting in the consulting room, this indicates our own feelings have reached an extreme in some way.”
“Therefore, right now, my focus as the consultant is only one thing — ”
Nan Zhubin looked into Lin Xi’s eyes: “And that is your ‘feelings’.”
Lin Xi took a deep breath and looked directly into Nan Zhubin’s eyes, her hands clasped together involuntarily on her abdomen.
“So, if possible,” Nan Zhubin said in a gentle, almost negotiating, but powerful tone, “I’d like the narrative that follows to start with ‘I feel,’ can you do that?”
The visitor and the consultant stared at each other for two seconds.
Took a deep breath.
Then, her straightened body.
Finally relaxed, bending down a bit.
“Actually… I feel some of my thoughts are quite inappropriate.”
So she wouldn’t express it directly, she would avoid it, and narrate it using story-like language to reduce her emotional involvement.
In doing so, she hoped Nan Zhubin would express some things on her behalf.
But clearly, Nan Zhubin did not want this: “What ‘thoughts’ of yours?”
The visitor pursed her lips, “I… maybe, uh, am somewhat… ‘resentful’ towards my mother.”
…
Under Nan Zhubin’s gaze, the visitor slowly opened up, revealing more life details and emotions hidden behind them that she hadn’t expressed before.
“I am already in my thirties. But I still live with my mother, have no friends, and even less a boyfriend, because I hardly have my own time.”
“My breakfast and dinner are prepared by my mother. Only lunch, because I’m at school, I can decide for myself. But even so, at night, she will definitely ask me what I ate. If I didn’t eat well, she would nag at me for ages.”
“And if I talk to her about meal issues, especially about the dishes she makes, saying they are not tasty or I don’t want to eat them, she…”
At this point, the visitor swallowed, her throat tightening abruptly.
“She… will show a very sad, hurt expression.”
The visitor covered her chest, “Then, I will also feel very uncomfortable.”